Really silly things I've done...: September 2014

The FA Vase 2014 – 2015

Introduction

Well, far be it from me to quote Whitesnake but, Here I Go Again.

It was Ian at Hemel Hempstead last season who suggested doing the FA Vase stating that they don’t have replays. All I can say to that is liar liar pants on fire. It’s the last time I listen to him.

After he mentioned it and I dismissed it, it still went around in my head. Combine that with the amount of fun I had at the non-league level and the rest as they say is history, but it really hit home when the Extra Preliminary Round of the FA Cup came around again. I was like a junkie. I just needed that fix. I REALLY NEEDED THAT FIX! I even went to the FA Cup Preliminary Round - St Margaretsbury v Romford – Romford won 0-4.

I started to look at the FA Vase. It started in the 1974-75 season making this season the 40^th anniversary. The first team to win it was Hoddesdon Town – beating Epsom & Ewell 2-1 at the old Wembley. Hoddesdon Town had been pulled at home to Sawbridgeworth Town. It was their first home game of the season. It was the first time in Hoddesdon Town’s history that they had been able to play at home during the Cricket Clubs tenancy. Also thanks to the European Championship Qualifying games, it was also Non-League Day, with FA trying to encourage football fans to take in a non-league game and who am I to argue with the FA…

If all of that wasn’t enough the Mayor of Broxbourne, Mrs Bren Perryman and her Consort Mr Freddie Pearce, were to be the guests of honour.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you have to just accept the fact that maybe someone somewhere is pulling the strings.

Finally, I already have two issues.

1. Game No3 and the second Semi Final clashes with the Half Term school holidays and you know what that means.

2. I already know that I can’t make any of the replays.

Let the adventure begin.

Saturday, 06th September 2014

First Round Qualifying

Hoddesdon Town v Sawbridgeworth Town

The Stewart Edwards Stadium

Hoddesdon

EN11 8PX

K.O. 3.00pm

Half time 0-1

Final score 2-1

0–1 Charlie Cole 10 mins

1-1 Jamie Brandon 55 mins

2-1 Ben Andreos 80 mins

Admission £7

Programme £2 – A5 size, 60 pages not including the cover, 20 pages of adverts.

Miles travelled approximately 05

Attendance 101

I woke at 7.30am, I looked out of my bedroom window at Hoddesdon. It was cold, damp, dull, grey, and the weather wasn’t much better either. Still on a positive note I had woken up in my bed, which is always a good way to start the day.

Um… I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. There was no buzz. Is this the curse of the junkie? Each fix has to bigger, better, stronger. There was nothing. Was it because it was my adopted home town? Was it because it was the FA Vase and not the FA Cup?

I took a steady walk over to the ground getting there just before 2.00pm. Instead of going straight in I went for a walk around the outside of the ground basically being nosey and seeing if there was anything interesting going on.

So preoccupied was I with looking at the ground through the lens of my camera, while trying to take a picture through a hole in the netting that was hanging up behind the goal, that I didn’t see the cobwebs in the bushes and trees. I walked straight through them. I was literally covered head to foot in cobwebs and dozens of spiders that crawled all over me. In the instant arrival of blind panic I couldn’t decide what to do first. What seemed like an eternity or two later I’d managed to shove my camera into its case before I clawed at the cobwebs and spiders that were running all over me like MODS and Rockers on Brighton beach, of course none of this was before I screamed like Ned Flanders from The Simpson’s and didn’t I scream and scream and scream… I was having a really good hair day until that moment too…

Eventually I made my way into the ground and continued with photographing anything that moved or didn’t. I also managed to get a ticket too. Here I Go Again…

I bumped in David Bauckham who is doing the same as me and is planning to turn his adventures into a book. His next game is going to be up at Whitley Bay, which is no mean feat considering he’s from Eastbourne - https://www.flickr.com/photos/ccpub/sets/72157646957700578/

I made my way around the pitch which looked great. The grass was long and the ball wasn’t rolling that well in the warm up.

Everywhere I looked I saw spiders, they were everywhere, literally everywhere, not just in the trees and bushes but all over the fences, the main stand, the seats, I had a brain wave. The bar. The bar would surely be free of spiders. I was right too. I can live with the pink elephants but the spiders…

Also, it was great to see the Hoddesdon Town staff again, some of whom remembered me and welcomed me very warmly to their club, which was a lovely touch.

The weather was becoming thick and sticky. The sun was trying to break through. It tried to rain. It would eventually make its mind up by becoming hot and sunny.

Suddenly, it was 3pm, the teams did the usual hand shake nonsense, coin flipped, ends picked, photo taken… God I wish they’d just… GET ON WITH IT!!!

REALLY!? Is this necessary at any level never mind this…

This I understand, but the above.

What can I say? Be careful what you wish for. What a shocking game of football, truly shocking. I suppose I should be kind and say that both teams cancelled each other out, but I think it would be fair to suggest that both sets of players had probably never played the game before in their lives.

They did try. No really they did. I just sat there thinking that if this is Non-League Day and it was, then the people that had turned up to watch this would probably never bother coming again, which was a shame, because I know that Hoddesdon can play a lot better than that.

I shouldn’t really too hard on the teams because Sawbridgeworth did score on 10 mins which meant that at some point Hoddesdon would have to come out and play, it was just a question of when.

As for the Sawbridgeworth Town goal, it was a nothing goal, if that’s not a really stupid thing to say. It was neither good attacking nor bad defending. The ball just found itself in the box. It was either going to be a goal or be cleared. The fates were kind and we were treated to a goal. Still, it was well taken.

Fortunately the half time whistle arrived sooner than it should have. The Mayor and her Consort came over to me and asked me what I thought of the game so far. I told them what I thought before going off to the bar and by God did I need a beer.

RUBBISH! See what I did there…

By the time I'd got to the bar the half times were coming in on Sky Sports.

Walsall 0 Colchester 0… OH… HUMP MY HOUND!!!

We’re going down

We’re going

Walsall’s going down…

Unfortunately the second half arrived sooner than it should have (see what I did there?). Still, on a positive I was sat next to some really fit ginger bird whose fella was playing for Hoddesdon so it wasn’t all bad… WHAT!?

I don’t know what the manager said to the team at half time but the team that started the second half wasn’t the team that ended the first. In fact, both teams had up their game and didn’t it show. This was more like it. This is the team I saw last season. Game on. Suddenly we had a game on our hands. Suddenly both teams were playing with pace.

Hoddesdon were having the better of the start and on 55 mins they managed to stuff up a great chance to equalise by placing the ball on the roof of the net. Sawbridgeworth having not learnt from the near miss let Hoddesdon have another go at equalising which they promptly did 60 seconds later.

Just like the Sawbridgeworth goal, it was a nothing attack, neither one thing nor another, but it fell to the feet of Jamie Brandon, who just like Charlie Cole before him slammed it in from close range, actually he bent in from the left, or right, depending which way you are facing.

Actually to make it as clear as I can. If you were the keeper. The ball falls to Brandon inside the box to your right, closer to the 18 yard line than the 6 yard line. Brandon sees to space to the your left and curls the ball into the bottom left hand corner, past you as you wave at the ball.

Then it happened, one of the reasons I fell in love with non-league football, on 70-ish minutes, a Hoddesdon player went one on one with the Sawbridgeworth keeper in a genuine 50/50 ball. Neither player was going to beat either player to the ball, neither one of them pulled out. The keeper went down on the ball while the striker went in… TWACK! The striker flew over the keeper while the keeper held onto the ball. No play acting. No moaning at the ref. No rolling around the pitch like those diving racist cheats in the Premiershit. Brilliant stuff.

Four minutes later Sawbridgeworth went and hit the bar from a lovely and rapid break down their left, a nicely drifted cross was met by the only player on planet Earth that could miss, which he did. It was a classic moment of it being easier to score than miss, I guess he just likes a challenge… The ball bounced of the top of the bar, over the netting, through the trees, bushes and cobwebs where the spiders caught it and teased the ball boy with it…

On 80 minutes Ben Andreos got Hoddesdon’s second and put the game out of reach for Sawbridgeworth who, to their credit, didn’t give up, but it was over and we all knew it. Another well taken goal, nicely struck, from a nothing cross that just sort of bobbled through to Ben, who once he’d got it under control slammed it in.

Just as the game was drawing to a close one of the Sawbridgeworth players spat the dummy (would it be unfair to name their captain Kevin Riley?), if all that was bad enough at the final whistle another Sawbridgeworth player said something to the linesman and got himself sent off after the final whistle.

After the final whistle the Mayor and her Consort waited by the entrance to the pitch and shuck hands with the officials, the players and playing staff of both teams. Just how cool is that? This is probably why she’s the Mayor.

Once the end of game formalities had been done I dived into the bar to see the final results. Walsall 0 Colchester 0 … From the bottom up it read, Crewe, Colchester, Scunthorpe, Walsall, Port Vale… *SIGH*

I decided to take advantage of an empty ground and take the photos that I missed earlier in the day before being offered the chance to see the replica FA Vase that was given to Hoddesdon in 1975. It’s smaller than me. But only just. Lots of chatting. I even bumped into Norman Ingram – I’m sure he’s stalking me.