Hearts & Hand Grenades UK Tour 2026

Part Two Of Three

 

Sunday 31^st May 2026

Call Of The Wild Festival, Lincoln

The bus call was 08.00 so I was up at 06.00 and by 09.30 we were on site at the Lincolnshire County Show Grounds for the Call of the Wild festival.

Weirdly, the first thing that happened was someone (no names but it was CORY…) found a glory hole in the toilets. I know right… but, even though everyone fell around laughing, I’ve never seen a van empty so quickly in my life. Perverts!

Once we’d collected our passes and parked up, we went for a walk around the site, basically trying to find coffee and toilets (without the glory hole).

Yeah, no, I had to look twice too...

We bumped into Kris, who’s Mum (Leonne *) would park next to us completely by fluke. There goes that red thread again.

Cory, calmly, casually, just happened to mention, in passing, without the slightest hint of drama, while we were in the middle of the Lincolnshire County Show Ground with only six hours to show time that… he didn’t have a bass pedal.

Ever seen a Tour Driver beat the living shit out of drummer the middle of the Lincolnshire County Show Ground with only six hours to show time?

As calmly as I could, I asked if he was sure he didn’t have a bass pedal and while everyone played back the load out from last night, I just went and looked in the back of the van. Cory and I confirmed that he didn’t have a bass pedal. Fuck! OK. Challenge accepted. 

I left a message with Simon from Molly Karloff before making my way to the media centre where I knew Kris and Leonne were based.  

Two things happened. Firstly, they gave me the names of three people to find in the backstage area in order of importance. Secondly, Leonne who has mobility issues offered to go home and get a bass pedal.

Let me put that into perspective. Leonne, who I met two years ago on the Bruce Dickinson tour. Who I’d only met ONCE before today. Who has mobility issues and spends a lot of her time in a wheelchair. Was offering to go back to her vehicle, drive home, collect a bass pedal and lend it to Cory.

Right there and then I knew she was going to find the Polaroid and she was going to get all the swag. It was my call to make and make it I did.

I collected Mike and together we went for a walk and a talk, towards the backstage area, where the bass pedal issue was resolved without any drama from the crew. I contacted Simon and Leonne to bring them up to speed and thank them for their help.

Actually, while I remember, because of the space issue, none of the bands were allowed into the backstage area until a few hours before their show time. We were all put into a holding pattern like aircraft waiting to land at an airport.

What's not to love about him. He's such a pussy magnet too. 

I’m not sure what happened between the sound check and show time, but something happened and it was a show stopper. Literally, there was going to be no gig. And, if I ever live to be 100 years old, I swear I’ll never understand what, “Put phantom into channel four,” means. But it meant something to someone somewhere and as if by magic all four members of the band sprang to life.   

As the band waited stage right for their cue, they decide how they were going to walk onto the stage and in which order. It worked like a charm.

Little did we know what was about to happen.

I watched Heart & Hand Grenades walk onto that stage as one band and I watched Hearts & Hand Grenades walk off that stage as a completely different band.

That performance was to change the band forever(more) and we all knew it.

I even had photographers in the pit begging for the set list. I’d never seen that at a gig before.

From a personal point of view, I’d never seen H&HGs play on a stage that large before, as I’d only seen them play in pubs and clubs. I didn’t know they were that good at making a large stage look so small.

I’d always secretly wondered if they were capable of taking the band to next level, of being able to communicate with a crowd from a bigger stage, if anything, it was the opposite, they excelled on that larger stage. They just oozed confidence. Bloody hell fire. Just how wrong was I.

Only the brave or a fool would crawl under Cory's drum riser to get a photo.

Dream-state is the word that springs to mind when trying to explain how it all felt after the gig. I’d love to tell you that everyone was buzzing, jumping around, that it was party central, it was anything but.

We all calmly loaded the van and left the backstage area and made our way back to the media centre for an interview and my chance to buy Kris and Leonne a T-shirt.

The best part of the interview was the part no one saw unless you were in the room, it was so funny to witness. Everyone was chatting, laughing, joking, just like being in someone’s kitchen having a chat and a lot of fun was being had by all. Then as soon as the cameraman said “Action!” they all clammed up. Like rabbits caught in the headlights. I know that doesn’t read like much, but it was so funny to witness.  

Ninety minutes earlier they were running around the stage in front of a thousand people and taking on the festival, now they could barely string a sentence together. Funny.

We ate, we drank, we went back to the van and we decided that because the day had been such a success, and it had, it was beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, we were going to go back into the arena, just to soak up the vibe.

Because we were being led by Mike we went straight to the nearest bar. Going back into the arena was the correct decision, festival folk walked over, asked for selfies, kind words were said, while others just clocked the band and smiled politely.

Because we’d gone directly to the festival we still needed to check into the hotel. As time was slipping away, we followed suit and also slipped away. Truth be told, I put my foot down and announced. Van. Now. You have two minutes or you get a taxi. I did explain this in the hotel in 2023 and I wasn’t lying. More on that later. Promise.

Once we’d checked into the Holiday Inn Express Lincoln City, Lincoln, the plan was to go for dinner and a beer or two in a pub. I can tell you that didn’t happen. Everyone was so emotionally drained, that we never got further than reception. 

Picture the scene, with all of political chaos that was going on behind the scenes, the band playing a blinder at the festival, having people walk up and say that they had just gone online and bought tickets to see the band later on the tour, the emotional swing that had just taken place, had drained us all, and as a gang, we all felt it.

So, when we re-grouped back at the reception area of the hotel that is where we stayed. Not only did we not make it out the door to go for dinner, not only did we not make it to the nearest pub, which for the record was across the street, we didn’t even make it to the bar in the hotel, which just for the record was about 10 metres away.

We were fucked. We were all in what felt like a state of shock. Someone used my phone to order pizza from Papa Johns. We ate. We drank. We chatted. We went to bed.

I’m not really sure how else to try explain what happened. Let me know. Did what you just read make sense?

 

* https://nogginwalsall.blogspot.com/2024/06/a-man-called-drake-and-his-project-part_25.html

I met Leonne at Rock City, Nottingham on the Bruce Dickinson UK tour in 2024. See the blog for more details of the red thread. 

Monday 01^st June 2026

Day Off

Laundry day. The best day of the tour, of any tour.

Bus call was 11.00 and everyone was on time. Which was very kind of anyone, and to show my appreciation, I’d already been up since 07.30 I’d cleaned the vehicle, dumped the rubbish and popped to Morrison’s supermarket and bought bananas and oranges. Dear family members back in America, yes, I was looking after your children. I bought a few dozen donuts too. Just to add balance to the diet. What!?

In a previous life Jeremy used to live in Gloucester, so we decided to use Gloucester as our base for two days. It would give Jeremy the chance to meet up with family and it would give us a head start on the drive to Newcastle on Wednesday.

As is the tradition when H&HGs tour the UK, it rained. You can set your watch by it. If anyone out there needs rain, ask your local promoters to book H&HGs. Guaranteed rain or your money back.  

The drive to Gloucester was uneventful punctuated by two comfort breaks and lots of positive online reviews of yesterday’s triumph.

By 14.30 were at The Oakwood Hotel, Gloucester, but who would have thought it would be so difficult to get a taxi into Gloucester.

Once we’d left our washing at Soap & Suds the oldest launderette in Gloucester we went into town for a bit more history, culture, and some sightseeing.

We started at The New Inn pub. The announcement of Lady Jane Grey’s succession to the English throne was made from the inn gallery in 1553. That’s history. What more you want?

We even had a band photo taken. It took ages to get Cory into that suit of armour.

Before long, it was time for Fish & Chips. So off to “Ye Olde Restaurant & Fish Shoppe” which is the oldest chippy in Gloucester, while the building itself goes back the 1530s, it even has its own wishing well.  

Obviously, we all ordered fish & chips, obviously, except for Stef, because Stef, being Stef, had Pie & Chips. Only to swoop on Mike’s fish like a bird of prey.

Why does my fish look like a pie?

We collected the washing and made our way back to the hotel.

Once we were back at the hotel, we all decamped into the bar area where we took over a corner of the room, and that was it for the rest of the evening. Just lots of chatting. Food. Drinks. And more chatting.

I know, right? Exciting, right? But, that’s the thing. What exactly do you think happens on a day off on tour? It really is laundry day and it really is that plain, dull, normal, it’s back to reality for 24 hours. Here’s how it works.

When you’re on tour, it’s just like being on holiday, every day is a Saturday and every night is a Saturday night. Be under no illusion, there is a lot of hard work and hundreds of hours of preparation that goes into each individual gig, as I hope this blog as proven to you. But a Saturday night is a Saturday night, right?

But what’s the first thing you do when you get home from a holiday, I’ll tell you right now what you do, you put everything into the wash and you relax. Think about it. That’s exactly what you do. Everything goes into the washing machine and you simply relax.

Well, that’s exactly what a band does. It’s what a band needs. They need those two things, it’s not a question of wishing or wanting or hoping, it’s a basic raw need. Like drawing breath, and without it the band suffocates and eventually dies.

Laundry and relaxation. The band needs to recharge its batteries. And you should never underestimate the joy of a fresh pair of socks.

A day off means just that, OFF.

I got to bed well past midnight, by then the rain really was coming down and the photoshoot in the graveyard across the street was called off. Shame that.

Tuesday 02^nd June 2026

Fuel, Cardiff

Falling asleep to the sound of rain was deeply satisfying. Waking at 07.30 with a Ping! less so.

In the lobby I tried to get online to pay the parking tickets. I simply don’t care what anyone says, every hotel does its best in trying to block your interweb access so you have to buy their premium service. It really does piss me right off.

In this hotels defence, we were in Gloucestershire, which let’s be honest is only step along the evolutionary line from Norfolk.

So far, the parking costs have been, Heathrow hotel £11, Heathrow Airport £7, Bournemouth hotel £60 x 2, Cambridge £35, but it was all factored into my thinking from last July. I promise you that Mike and I had a conversation in Buffalo, where I told him, if we can park safely and for free I will, if not, I’m parking outside the venue and taking the parking ticket. Mike looked me straight in the eye and said, “That’s your responsibility.” Before laughing and walking off. That was fine by me.

While in the lobby area of the hotel it suddenly struck me that this would all too soon be over. Today was Tuesday and this was the end of week number one for me. Just one more week to go. In fact, this time next week the band will be back in Buffalo. And it hit me so hard.

Bus call was 14.00 and we arrived at Fuel right on time. I reversed into the street and that’s where the vehicle stayed.

There were two other gigs in Cardiff that night and to compound things, Wales were playing Ghana in a pre World Cup warm up game literally in the next street. It would be the last time we would experience the pre festival ticket situation. From Newcastle onwards things were to dramatically change.

While I’m on the subject of advanced ticket sales, a few days earlier, Mike, Stef and I went away for a chat and I said something like this. “Why should anyone care? It’s not like your DC or anything. I mean really, why should anyone bother. You haven’t played in the UK for three years. There’s been no new product for two years. Why should anyone care?”

It was blunt. It was honest. But it needed to be said. And it came from a good place, I said it with the right heart and it was meant in a positive way. And to be fair to Mike and Stef they took it in the way it was meant, and on the chin too. They just took the hit. Bless them. More on ticket sales later.

Back to Cardiff. I went off shopping and I found a Tim Hortons. Cory, Stef and I went back for food, coffee and a photo op’.

Cory & Stef ordered food and drinks in a language that I didn't understand. "Can I have a Double dip triple scoop minus extra sprinkles on the side but with extra virgin blue green Maple Syrup hold the sugar, yes to cream, no ice... " or something like that. 

I had a cup of tea. 

Out of all the gigs on the tour, this was the one new venue I was looking forward to the most. I’d heard so much about Fuel. I’d love to tell you that it didn’t let me down. Yeah, I’d to tell you that, but I can’t and I won’t.

On a positive, the staff were great, no complaints there. Very professional. They really couldn’t do enough for me personally or the three bands.

But I just thought, is this it? It was basically Maiden central. Fanboy central. Maybe it was me and the attitude I now have towards all things Maiden. Oh well. Maybe next time.

The Polaroid made a comeback and I think it was found by a lady named Annette, but this was after she’d already bought loads of swag from the merch, so we struggled to find something to give her that she hadn’t already bought. Now that was something I’d not envisage. I made a mental note and set to work thinking about a solution to that issue. I found it too. More on that on the next tour.

The singer in the support band. Wow! One should never do this, one should always see the band, not the individual, but when one can, one must. The singer in the band Karmen Field is a star in the making. Whatever it is that makes someone stand out, she has it.

I, for want of a better way to explain it, went full on Yoda mode. I stood back and people watched. I took notes. I started to make plans. Big plans. I might be able to offer the band something other than just driving the van. There were so many things that we could do, and for the first time I really did start to see a much bigger picture, a picture I could help paint.

I grasped for all it was worth to hold onto my place as someone on the outside looking in. Yes, I’d been invited into their gang, and I was more than happy to join, that feeling of acceptance made me feel trusted. I had been given permission to act on my own gut instincts, that whatever I did or said, would be accepted. But I was the last one join their gang and I knew my place. I liked that place. I felt safe. In control. It was my safety net. It made the thoughts, ideas, plans, feel more truthful, honest, because I was still outside looking in.

By the end of the tour, I’d been offered five jobs as either Tour Driver or Tour Manager. I said yes to all five. Two of which have already been signed off.

Frankly, I couldn’t wait for the gig to be over and speaking of which, the load out. No, fuck off, bollocks. We are not going to do this again. It stops tonight. Right, this is what we are going to do.

We don’t have a road crew as such, it’s just us, making it up as we go along, doing what we can when we can. So, I’m going to be a cunt and if I upset people, good.

What I did was this. Once individual items of gear had been packed away, I would remove them from the stage and place them on the floor, in front of the stage, making a small pile. This, by default, meant that we did an idiot check of the stage.

Once everything was off the stage, I made sure someone actually did do an idiot check of the stage. Which by default meant that everything that needed to be in the van, was in that pile. It was such a simple way to do it.

That way, by default, we couldn’t forget anything because everything was visibly in one place. I could then call out in what order I wanted items bringing to me. That load out took less than five minutes. We did it that way for the rest of the tour.

Just like I had done with the previous four gigs, I went back into the venue and thanked the staff. But I just wanted to get away ASAP.

We stopped at the services on the M4 J23 for food. McDonalds at midnight, it’s so romantic isn’t it really.

We arrived at the hotel around 01.00-ish everyone went off to their rooms and I went off to park the van. I was beginning to look forward to this time by myself, it was becoming my time. Time to be alone with my thoughts.

What I haven’t mentioned yet is this. Everyone at some point had come to me and complained or commented on this or that or them. This happens in my normal job too. I’m not sure how or why people feel it’s OK or they feel comfortable in confiding in me, but they do. Maybe I should become a Priest.

I’d become an Agony Aunt or should that be Uncle to everyone in the band, and being alone with my thoughts, in the van, at night, for ten minutes or so became something that I would look forward to. I felt cleansed. I’d use that time to think about the following day. What I’d need to do or not do. I’d try to think of the negatives that may come our way, and if they did, how I’d react or more importantly not react.

I wonder if anyone noticed. Or cared.

I got to bed somewhere to close to 02.30 for my own good.

Wednesday 03^rd June 2026

The Cluny 2, Newcastle

Bus call was 09.00 my alarm went off at 07.00 and I was at the van by 08.20

Considering this was the longest drive of the tour, it was one of the easiest. Weird how it works isn’t it. And, in many ways, it was also a mirror to the band and what they had gone through and to where they were right now.

What is it that Churchill never said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

I’ve hesitated for three days about writing the following, but after taking advice and listening to the opinions of others, I feel it’s the correct thing to do.

When it comes the music business, we all live and work in a very incestuous environment. It doesn’t matter what level you are operating at, we all talk to each other. There are very few genuine secrets.

So, cutting a very long story very, very short. In 2023 on the second H&HGs UK Tour, there was a third party (in this case a promoter) who dropped the ball. Because that person isn’t here to defend themselves, let me be generous and offer you this as an explanation. We all make mistakes. I do. You do. We all do.

Baring that in mind, there is making a mistake and then there is making a mistake. Not only did this person’s actions have a negative impact on H&HGs. It also had a negative impact on a second band. It also had a negative impact on a few venues.

If I ever live to be 100 years of age I don’t think I’ll ever get to the bottom of it. All that really matters is that the two bands managed to work out what was going on and they are at peace which other and are still desperate to work with each other on tour.

The venues understood too, but the damage to reputations was done.

Jump forward to October 2025 and I was at a Molly Karloff, gig at the Cart & Horses in London. I bumped into Greg and Adele from TowerRok and I introduced myself. They already knew who I was. Not sure how and I never asked. 

Anyway, we started to chat. I asked them their story. They asked me mine. We continued to chat. I mentioned the issues from 2023 and they said something like, “Yeah, we know…” Then they proceeded to tell me about some of the issues they were having with some venues.

Such was the damage that was done in 2023, that not only was there still hesitation around the band, but a lot of the venues had indefinitely banned the promoter and any company he was involved with.

There is no point pretending that didn’t happen and there is no point pretending that people don’t know that story, because as I mentioned before, we all live and work in a very incestuous environment. There are no secrets.

I did genuinely feel for Greg and Adele as they had inherited a world of hurt that wasn’t of their doing. They were being asked to play on a very sticky wicket, and it was difficult not to have sympathy. And on that subject, I will be forever grateful to them for bringing H&HGs back to the UK.  

Jump forward to 2026 and I’m becoming aware that things are not going well at all. I’m trying not to panic, but I’m starting to worry for my friends. When we chat on the bands Messenger page, I try to stay positive and do my best to read more than I type.

It’s five days before the start of the tour, I’m at that gig in Wolverhampton, and I’m told, “the tickets have been a hard sell.” I was almost in tears. My friends didn’t deserve this.

The actions of one person three years ago did not deserve to still be having an impact on completely innocent people. Because it’s not just the band who are being impacted, there are new people being impacted too.

If I ever meet that promoter, I shall shake him warmly by the hand and thank him for bringing H&HGs to the UK and then I shall shake him warmly by the throat for being such a cunt.

Why did I tell you that? Because tonight, at Newcastle, that all changed. It finally stopped. 

When I wrote that I watched a different band walk off the stage at COTW it wasn’t because they were a different band, it was more the perception of others, finally they were able to cut through the lies, the bullshit, the stories and myths that had been told, the band were offered a chance to slay the dragon and that’s exactly what they had done. Everyone there that day had witnessed something very special and everyone knew it.

It had been a long hard three years, and I, completely by fluke, had witnessed it. I’m so proud of my mates for not quitting. For not walking away. Hit, after hit, after hit, after hit, like a punch drunk boxer stuck on the ropes, simply too stupid or too tired to go down.

I knew that financially they were in a bad place. Emotionally they were being eroded. Spiritually taken to the abyss and asked to look over the edge. Their dreams had led them to a very dark place. And yet they still strode on.

It had taken the band three years to slay that dragon and three days for the UK to play catch up.

So often in life, your perceived defeats lead you to your greatest victories.

Did any of that make sense? Yes? No? Anyway, moving on.

Mike, Ciro and Stef... I just left them to it. Quiet time is to be respected.

My old mate Olly and his wife Donna rocked up. He’d couldn’t do the H&HGs gig as he already had a ticket to see Geoff Tate next door. Olly bless him still bought a T-shirt before going off to see Geoff Tate. He always was a class act.  

It wasn’t just Olly & Donna either. As we ate in the bar, the band were being recognised. Now that really was weird. People who were going to watch Geoff Tate next door, were popping into the bar for food and drinks, and yet they were recognising H&HGs. No one approached us, they just did the double take, pointed, gestured, mentioned it to their mates.

As for the gig? All three bands played an absolute blinder, but there was something very different about tonight and we all knew. It was just so obvious that there had been a change.

Out of all the gigs on the tour, this was the one venue I was least looking forward to the most. Simply because of the gig next door. Never mind all of the toxic politics from the previous tour, who the hell wants to play a gig in the smaller sister venue, while in the larger big brother venue next door, the gig is Sold Out. And yet, against all of the odds. It was by far, the best gig on the tour. And not because of the band, but because of the crowd. Learn the difference.

After the gig, we needed to get supplies, so we all went shopping to TESCO. If that doesn’t ooze Rock n’ Roll excess then I’m not sure what does. But shopping in TESCO at midnight is exactly what we did.

Wear one, dry one, wear one, repeat.

Anywhere you could hang wet clothing would get used.

Back at the Novotel Newcastle Airport, I was reminded of an interview with Bill Barclay, who in the 80s, was Dave Murray’s guitar tech (Iron Maiden). During the interview Bill said about Iron Maiden, something along the lines of, “I’d see the sweat coming out of the eyelets of their trainers.”

Every night I’d get back to the hotel room and find soaking wet clothing hanging up everywhere drip drying.

After each gig, while still at the venue, Jeremy would remove his soaking wet T-shirt and then change into a dry one. Doesn’t sound that impressive does it.

Here is why you are wrong. The venues we were playing didn’t have dressing rooms. So it was off the stage, off with the soaking wet T-shirt, a very quick wipe with a towel and on with a dry T-shirt. DO NOT FORGET, that he would still be wearing soaking wet pants/trousers, under pants, socks, sneakers/trainers.

He would then hang out, chat to fans, sign anything put in front of him, before loading out and going back to the hotel, in soaking wet clothes.

It wasn’t only Jeremy, it was all four band members. At the end of the tour Stef literally binned her stage clothes, having basically destroyed them on the tour. But more on that later.

Thursday 04^th June 2026

The Giffard Arms, Wolverhampton

Bus call was 09.30 and as tired as everyone appeared to be, everyone was still buzzing from the previous night. Actually, it was more like COTW, it was more of a stunned silence.

Our hotel was in Stourbridge instead of Wolverhampton, which for all the people that don’t know is a good 10 miles south of Wolverhampton. This added an extra 40 to 50 minutes onto our journey, but as it turned out, it ended up being a wonderful piece of good fortune.

For the whole tour Stef had been plagued with tech issues, so we sourced a music shop in the centre of Stourbridge. We stopped outside. Everyone ran in to get supplies and everyone ran out again. To anyone looking on, it must have looked like a bank robbery. Next time I’ll make them wear stockings on their faces.

Once we’d check in at the Premier Inn, Cory and I went off to the nearest Launderette. The locals were great fun. Showed us what was what. Asked about the band. Wished us good luck for Wolverhampton and the rest of the tour.

I then tried to explain to Cory that those women would have seen it all before, after all, this was Led Zeppelin, Diamond Head, Pop Will Eat Itself, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin and The Wonder Stuff country. Go on, try and impress them, they’ll just laugh at you.

Cory and I continued to bond which is easy to do with no one else around and time to kill.

You read that in the voice of Apu didn't you...

We left the hotel on time but thanks to rush hour traffic we got the venue at 17.25 which was 25 minutes late, and you know my feelings about being late. I offered my apologies to anyone that would listen. But I’d learnt a lesson and that error would not repeat itself.

Out of all the gigs on the tour, this was the one venue I desperately wanted to be perfect, and there I was, like a badly ridden horse, falling at the first hurdle of The Grand National. Glue factory for me then.

On a positive, that load in was rapid. I ran everything up and down those stairs so quickly, and if nothing else it would make my doctor and personal trainer happy. Not too sure my knees felt the same way though.

Did I become over protective? Did I try too hard? Did I micromanage? Yeah, guilty as charged.

Identical issues that had arisen at previous gigs, which I’d either let go or simply ignored, only for them to be solved by natural selection, suddenly became problems that loomed over the gig like the oncoming storm of death and destruction. So, it was out with my sword (easy Ladies, EASY!) on with my helmet and off to battle I went.

Strange, but as I write these words weeks later. I can’t remember a single one of those issues that seemed so important at the time. There’s another lesson for me to learn.

I was like a proud parent on school sports day… while giving the Darth Vader death choke to all the other kids in the race.     

Mike, Daz and Sonia all rocked up as did Elyse, who just for a change, I found hanging around the entrance to the toilets, where she rubbed her special hand cream into my palms. God she’s such a perv! And I love her for it.

What happened next, is something that I simply can’t explain. Whenever I’ve witnessed it, I’ve never been able to explain it. I guess you just have to be there.

Tonight was just one of those gigs. One of those gigs when it all just goes CLICK! and everything just falls into place and it becomes a gig that people speak of forever and everyone wishes that they had witnessed it.

Their biggest fan. Sorry, not sorry.

I’ll leave others to rant and rave about it. But I will tell you these two things.

Firstly, after the gig, Daz pointed at me from the other side of the room and said, “I want a word with you…” Gulp! went I… Oh fuck what have I done? I thought to myself, as I promptly hit the playback button inside my head and played back the whole night in fast forward, and as much as I wanted to run away and hide, I thought you know something, I’ll take my kicking now thank you very much… I walked over as bravely as I could, and before I had a chance to apologise for something of which I knew not, Daz put his hand out to shake mine and said, “I just wanted to thank you for introducing me to a fucking great band.” Gulp! went I again. Panic over.

Secondly, Brett said something along the lines of, “I’ve not seen a band play like that on a school night in maybe 20 years…” “Next time I’ll make sure you play over the weekend…” Later he would keep his word and ask a member of staff to remove the only H&HGs poster in the building. Which now sits proudly in my collection. 

Speaking of which. Bournemouth & Wolverhampton were the only two venues to have H&HGs promo posters on the walls. Blackpool did have two but they were spotted and removed a few weeks earlier by a fan, who asked the band to sign them.

None of the venues had flyers. Who exactly is responsible for that? Moving on.

Blackpool with said signed posters.

Back to tonight’s gig. Stef got everyone to shout out “CUNT!” which was instantly turned into a Meme. Daz eventually found the Polaroid, and no, I didn’t tell him where it was. And Mike gifted the Soundman a T-shirt and thanked him for doing such a great job, and well deserved it was too. He really did become the fifth Beatle that night.

We completed the load out, and Cory, did what Cory does best, and turned the tour van into party central. One day I’m going to go to Sugar 44 and watch him at work.

Hotel or the bar? How far is the hotel? 10 miles. How far is the bar? 10 metres. Never argue with a mathematician. Off to the bar we all went. It was mental. The band were flying, buzzing, the adrenaline (no pun intended) was flying through them. You could almost see it, sense it, touch it, and I was so happy for my friends. They had worked so hard, gone through so much, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. The joy, the genuine happiness I felt in seeing those sacrifices get paid off.

If you got this image sent to you, now you know where it was taken and why. 

We partied like mad bastards at a mad bastard’s reunion party. Well, I say “We” I stayed sober, it was everyone else, but it really was a lot of fun to watch my friends let their hair down, to pause, to let go, to have that release. We all knew that it was another step taken, another door pushed open, that tonight really was one of those pivotal moments in the band’s history.

I have no memory of Mike leaving, or Daz and Sonia for that matter, and I was the sober one. I walked Elyse back to her car and it would be another week before she found her glasses.

We eventually got back to the hotel on the wrong side of 02.00 and by that, I mean the correct side. And I eventually got to bed just before the rising sun at 03.00 it was a straight race and I won, but only by a short-head.

What a fucking day.

Oh, and while I remember, I lied about Newcastle being the best night of the tour, in school yard talk, it just got Top Trumped by The Giff.

 

This 2026 tour T-shirt first saw the light of day in Buffalo 2025. As soon as I saw it I instantly thought of The Giffard. I explained to the band. I went online and found images. We all agreed to do a photoshoot. As you can see, everyone arrived on time. 

Not only is this the best image from tonight, it is easily the best image from the whole tour. 

Photo credit, Ruskin Roader.

Interlude

Albatross! 

Photo credit, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

 

Hearts & Hand Grenades UK Tour 2026

Part One Of Three

Preface

Welcome, to the third and final part of this trilogy. Please note I didn’t use the words my third, I used the words the third. Let me explain.

 

Part One.

In 2022, Rob Halford released a book titled “Biblical”, in which he offers forth words of wisdom, taken from 50 years of being in a band and touring the world, dispensed in the style of the Bible. It’s an essential read for anyone with dreams of becoming a working musician.

 

Part Two.

In the winter of 2023, I found myself on tour, as a fan, doing seventeen gigs in seventeen days. Twelve of those gigs were Wolfsbane gigs, while the other five gigs, were gigs on my supposed days off. The gigs being, ABBA Voyage, Living Colour, Vlure, Ginger Wildheart and Geddy Lee. It seemed like a really good idea at the time. Little did I know…    

Then I thought, hold on, if Rob Halford has dispensed his thoughts and experiences of being in the music industry for 50 years, why don’t I do the same. Why not write about what it’s like to be a fan on the road following a band. Why not share my experiences, short cuts, and lessons learned the hard way. So that’s exactly what I did. And the blog was born. *

It was just like Rob and I chatting over a garden fence. Just two people having a natter on a subject we both know intimately.

 

Part Three.

In the summer of 2023, I was invited to dinner by Mike and Stef from the band Hearts & Hand Grenades. Cutting a very long story short, they asked me if I’d be prepared to drive them on their next UK tour. Never one to turn down an adventure, I said yes immediately.

That part of the story would fill a book by itself, but I don’t want to be here all day, but I also can’t just skip past it, so I need to quickly explain two things.

Firstly, in the spring of 2023, I’d seen H&HGs twice on their first UK tour. Once they had told me their story I thought, oh well, I’ll never see them again.

Secondly, in the summer of 2023, they returned for a second UK tour. I had tickets to four gigs. Once the tour was complete, I was invited to dinner at the Ibis Hotel, Heathrow.

So, as you can see, it wasn’t just a random question, from a random bunch of Yanks, to a random Brit. We already had a shared history. In the space of six months, we’d already shared so much. And again, that would fill a book by itself.

I don’t think either one of us expected it to be a full three years before H&HGs would able to tour the UK again, but that’s exactly what happened.

In the three years that followed, the dynamic of our relationship changed. The original dynamic was a simple one, they were a band and I liked their music. Now, now it was different, in those three years, we’d all become mates, proper mates.

Suddenly, I was having trouble seeing and hearing the band. Suddenly, they are my mates first and a band second. I’d sort of lost track of the band.

As 2026 rolled around and the UK tour got closer, I found myself in a completely unexpected position. Yes, I’d agreed to driving the band on their next UK tour, but that was three years ago, three years ago they were a band, and I was a fan. Now we are mates. Yes, they are still a band, but I’m in a different place, which by default means they are too. And the idea of the trilogy was born.

It was always my intention to write a blog for this tour, but now, now I had an opportunity to come at this subject from a completely different angle. And as any writer will tell you, it’s all about angles.

I was working the tour. I was a fan of the band. They are my mates. Really, just how many angles does a boy need. Do I look like a protractor?

Somehow, someway, I needed to find a way to combine all of those angles and show them in an easy-to-use format. Maybe I was a protractor after all.

Welcome to Mathematics on the Road.

 

Right.

That’s enough about me and why I’m here.

* https://nogginwalsall.blogspot.com/2023/11/on-tour-for-dummies-fans-guide-to-being.html

Introduction. Planning. Travel. Hotels. Venues. Towns & Cities. Friends. Holidays. Lucky. Money. Days Off. E Tickets, Real Tickets & Guest List. Support Bands. Merchandise. Set List. Back Stage. Come Down. Epilogue. Stop Press/Illness.

 

Introduction

Before I go any further, if you think I’m going to wash mine, or the bands, dirty washing in public, stop reading this now.

Before I go any further, if you think I’m going pretend, or lie, or offer you an account, that is removed from the truth, then that isn’t going to happen either.

When it came to writing my blog, I made my intentions to the band very clear, it was going to be warts n’ all, or nothing. I was asked not to mention certain things for legal reasons. And I agreed.

I am going to offer you an observation, please note what I wrote, an observation, nothing more or less. Just a pure, truthful, honest, and sometimes a painful observation to what it’s like to tour the UK with an American band.

I am going to point the finger at people and venues, sometimes my observations will be positive, sometimes they will be negative. Just remember, before I point the finger at others and offer a negative observation, I’ve looked in the mirror first.

Finally, my words are just that, mine. I do not represent Hearts & Hand Grenades, these words are mine and mine alone. If you have an issue with what I have written take it up with me face to face or send me something in writing, give me permission to “cut & paste” and I will happily add your point of view to my blog.

Right, time for you to get comfortable and the others to get their Kevlar helmets.

Lights blue touch paper and stands well back.

Incoming!

 

Now.

Read on… If you dare.

 

Wednesday 27^th May 2026

Vans For Bands

VFBs sister company Band Movers.

Aren’t epiphany moments wonderful.

It was Thursday 26^th March 2026, and I was driving along the M4 towards Hammersmith. As I passed J4 and Heathrow Airport, I looked at the hotels that decorate the landscape and I went Ping! Why didn’t I think of that before? Why don’t I stay in a hotel at Heathrow the night before the band arrive?

It was Sunday 20^th July 2025, and we were at Mickey Rats Beach Club, Angola, NY, just south of Buffalo, NY. We being Cory, Mike, Stef, Chip, Andy, Ketty, Tom and Terry, while Chris was tending bar and doing his best to get us all drunk with an assortment of cocktails that I’m convinced he was just making up on the spot.

Anymore of your shit and its orf with your heads... Peasants! 

L to R Chris, Mike, Andy, Cory, Stef & Chip.

As we stood at the bar, Mike took out his phone and showed me the UK tour dates for May/June 2026. From that exact moment, in my drunken state, I started to plan the UK tour.

Mike sent the tour schedule to my phone, and after Chip kindly drove me back to my hotel in Buffalo, I literally staggered into my room, and while drunk, I worked out the all of maths for the UK tour. The miles and the times between all the venues, including the arrival and departure at Heathrow Airport.

The following night, while at dinner, after falling in the river at Niagara Falls and almost plummeting to my death, while Cory just stood there laughing at me, taking images and uploading them to the Interweb – now that’s the sign of a true friend, he doesn’t go and get help, no, he goes straight to his phone, films it and uploads images while laughing at my impending doom. A true friend indeed. 

Gran and I were lucky, the ducks less so, as over the Falls they went. 

The rock I slipped off.

Where was I? Oh yeah. While drip drying at dinner and removing fish from my pockets, I showed Cory, Mike and Stef the notes I’d made about the tour. I think it’s fair to say that they were impressed.

I then asked, “How are you going to travel around the UK?” Before they had a chance to offer an answer, I mentioned Vans For Bands. I showed them the VFBs website and their eyes lit up like a Xmas Tree.

Give me a number from one to four. Three. My work here is done. I’d made sure that we were going to use VFBs and I’d made it look like they had made the choice.

I went back to England and that’s when it started to go wrong. Well, I say started to go wrong, it was more a case of I can only get two weeks off from work and it’s non-negotiable, and while I was at Mickey Rats I could already see an issue. The issue being that the UK tour was just short of two weeks, but only just. I could, if I was smart, just about fit the tour into my two week holiday entitlement.

On my return to work, in July 2025, I immediately booked two weeks off in May/June 2026.

Then the tour got moved. What the fuck? H&HGs UK Tour Mk II. It properly climbed inside my head and it should not have. All the calendar dates were the same, it was just the venues that had been moved or changed. It meant I took my eye off the ball. Instead of concentrating on the dates, I’d started to concentrate on the routing of the tour. It was the first time I was to drop the ball. It wouldn’t be my last.

H&HGs UK Tour Mk I

H&HGs UK Tour Mk II

Jumping forward slightly. I was due to collect the vehicle from VFBs mid-afternoon. While H&HGs had a 09.30 Heathrow arrival time. Elephant in the room anyone?

It was Saturday 6^th August 2025, and Walsall were playing Barnet away (North London). And I still hadn’t properly dealt with the said Elephant in the room. But I had done my homework on VFBs.

Speaking of homework. How good is your Geography? I live in Hoddesdon, Hertfordshire. VFBs are in Oxford, Oxfordshire. Heathrow Airport is in Greater London formally Middlesex. Making a nice big triangle shape. Geography & Geometry, whatever next.

Even though VFBs are based in Oxford, they have a collection point at Heathrow Airport for international bands arriving in the UK via Heathrow Airport. So, on the morning of Saturday 6^th August 2025, I jumped on the tube and checked out the VFBs collection point at LHR before going off to the football.

Their online instructions were perfect, except for one thing, the large metal external staircase leading to the car park. GAME OVER!

Then there was the car park. OK, that’s two things. In reference to the car park, if I was to type “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, tell me what scene instantly springs to mind. Like fuck was I leaving my car in that car park.

Back to the Elephant in the room. There was no way for me to get to VFBs for a mid-afternoon collection and then get to Heathrow Airport for the morning arrival, well, not without the use of a TARDIS.

I promise you that I stared at that problem for a whole six months. Six months. Six months of trying to work out how I could move the arrival time of the band or the collection time of the vehicle.

And I promise you it wasn’t until that Thursday evening as I drove towards Hammersmith along the M4 that I suddenly went Ping!

I couldn’t get my delivery done quickly enough, and it felt like an eternity to drive back to the yard. As soon as I got back, I requested a change in my holiday’s, and once I’d explained my reasoning, it was granted on the spot.

The office at VFBs opens at 10.00 and I bet I was the first phone call they received that Friday morning. I explained my epiphany from the previous evening, in the same detail that I’ve just explained it to you, and they just fell over themselves in helping me. They really couldn’t have done more if they tried. In less than 24 hours I’d solved a problem that been a draining me like a toothache for over six months.

And that Ladies and Gentlemen, is how I finished work at 22.00 on Tuesday 26^th May 2026, before staggering off to bed around 03.00 the following morning, only to have the joy of waking at 07.30 because of the heat wave which slowly arrived like the slamming of a door. Bang! Heat wave.

By 16.00 I was at VFBs collecting the vehicle and heading off down the M40 to the Premier Inn, London Heathrow Airport T2 & T3.

Where, after a quick trip to the local Tesco Express, I promptly got lost inside the hotel. I ended up so confused, that in the end, I had to go back to reception and ask for help, because, not only had I got lost, I’d actually forgotten my room number. And I’m the tour driver.

I then sat in the bar, I ate, I drank, I watched Crystal Palace win the UEFA Conference League Final and I sent a message to the bands Messenger page to let them know that I was already at Heathrow waiting for their arrival. While Mike and I chatted via text messages and I genuinely started to fear the worse.

Oh yeah, the band, I suppose I better give them a mention, fragile egos and all that. I wouldn’t want them thinking that this blog was about anyone but them.

By the time I was getting lost in the hotel – and that really did happen by the way, the band were on their way from Buffalo to London Heathrow via JFK. But that was only half the story. Cory and Jeremy live in Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix, is at least 2000 miles away from Buffalo, so Cory and Jeremy’s journey began on Tuesday 19^th May 2026 which is a whole eleven days before the first UK gig on Friday 29^th May 2026.

I shall pause for a second for you to all process those dates. No, they are not typos. More on that later.

On a positive the A/C in my room was working. On a negative my porn machine was struggling to get online. Little did I know, how important both of those would become over the next ten days.

 

Thursday 28^th May 2026

Heathrow Airport Terminal 2

I staggered off to bed at 01.00, the alarm went off at 06.00, and by 07.30, I’d checked out, paid the car parking fee and was setting up the vehicle.

When I say setting up the vehicle, it was basically wipe down the table and seats with antibacterial wipes before taking all of the drinks and snacks out of the rear of the vehicle and placing them within arm’s reach for “The Talent” (and believe me, that’s the last time I’ll refer to them as that).

It was so stupidly hot when I arrived at the hotel yesterday, that it was better to leave everything in the rear of the vehicle and do this in the cooler morning air.

By 09.00 I was at Heathrow T2 pick up and drop off. I slowly baked under a bright blue sky. The band arrived and promptly went to Level 1 instead of Level 5 where the photo I’d sent them quite clearly showed I was waiting, and baking, under a bright blue sky. I rolled my eyes. And no, I didn’t go to them, I made them come to me. Do I look like a fucking taxi service.

Lots of hugs and handshakes. “You must be Jeremy,” I said, sticking out my hand, “You must be Noggin,” he replied. We shock hands and I showed Jeremy his guitar.

Oh yeah, while I remember, Jeremy’s guitar. On Sunday 05^th April 2026 Jeremy announced on the bands Messenger page, that he was thinking of buying a cheap guitar online, because it would be cheaper than bringing his own guitar, and could he have it delivered to my address.

By Wednesday 15^th April 2026 it had been delivered and by Tuesday 21^st April 2026, with the help of my mate Mark, I’d bought a hard case for the guitar, because Jeremy’s new guitar only came with a black nylon bag. There was no way on this planet that I was going to be worrying and stressing over that on tour, so to make everyone’s life easier, starting with mine, I bought a hard case for £60-ish and told Jeremy it was on me.

My official job on this tour was Tour Driver. That was it. One job. My attitude was this. Anything, and I mean anything, that fell under the influence of driving was my responsibility. And that included making sure Jeremy’s new cheap online guitar completed the tour in one piece. More on this job title later.

Just for the record, and just so we are clear on this subject, if Jeremy decided to smash someone around the head with his guitar, in a Sid Vicious stylie, then that was fine by me as it had nothing to do with driving.

He opened the case, looked at it, and nodded his approval. We loaded the van and we set off for Bournemouth.

Mike rode shotgun while everyone else piled into the back. Once everyone had fallen asleep, I quietly asked Mike who knew about the issues with the lack of promotion and advanced ticket sales. We chatted.

For a few months now I’d been aware of something not being right. From the moment Mike showed me the tour schedule at Mickey Rats in Buffalo, I’d started planning the tour and that included lifting images from the interweb, following venues, and looking for online adverts, to use on Facefuck and in the telling of this blog.

I’d got friends reporting back to me, and I’d personally been to venues, only to find no adverts or promotion of any sort. Then, while in Wolverhampton on Saturday 23^rd May 2026 as the tour started the following Friday, my worst fears were confirmed. Too many people had failed to step up to the plate.   

I dread to think about the pressure that Mike must have been under. I have no idea how he managed to spin all of those plates. But spin them he did. If I ever needed proof to just how much he wanted this, then there it was. This really was going to be the six of us verses the World. That works for me. Bring it on!

After a very brief stop at the services for coffee, snacks and travel sickness – no you can’t buy it, someone had it, we arrived at the Premier Inn, Bournemouth, at 12.00 just in time for a 15.00 check in. 

I’d love to tell you that we went straight to bar in a Rock n’ Roll stylie, but the bar was closed. Ciro and Jeremy crashed out. Mike dived online. Someone found coffee from somewhere and Cory went “Psst…” and handed me two crew shirts which cleverly hid the Mike Mr Magoo T-shirt that we were all going to wear that night while out on the town.  

Let me explain the T-shirt, back In April while Jeremy was mincing around with cheap online guitars, Cory started sending me images of drum skins he had been drawing on. One of which was of Mike looking like Mr Magoo, because Mike is basically blind as a bat and so is Mr Magoo. In a mad moment of chatting, that image went from being a singular image on a drum skin to being turned into stickers, before Cory came up with the idea of having it printed onto a T-shirt which we were all going to wear on that first night without telling Mike. We were all just going to rock up wearing the same T-shirt.

Eventually 15.00 rolled around and I was rooming with Jeremy, which was a bit weird, considering we’d only met six hours earlier, but I was put at ease immediately when Jeremy walked into the room switched the kettle on a made a cup of tea. Who knew that a Yank could be so cultured.

Jeremy then went about setting up his guitar and I went on learning curve so step I could have hired it out as a ski jump.

He tried to teach me about intonation, saddles, frets, pick up's, strings, head stocks, truss rods, whammy bars, and lots of other things that I’ve forgotten. I watched as he changed the strings on his guitar while we continued to drink what to others would seem like an obscene amount of tea.

While all of that was happening, and within 30 minutes, we’d exhausted the complimentary supply of tea so off to the corner shop I went for tea bags and biscuits.

I watched in equal measures of bemusement and intrigue as Jeremy would work feverishly on his guitar and then promptly fall asleep on the bed with the guitar as close to hand as a lover. Only to have him wake and instantly fiddle and play with his guitar. Just like a lover. I’m led to believe that a guitar needs to settle before you can continue to adjust and bring the guitar to life. Again, just like a lover. Guitars and Women… they’re just so needy…  

I left Jeremy to his guitar, his sleep, and I went off to the reception to meet up with the rest of the band wearing my Mike Magoo T-shirt.

Just me then? Mike, just for a change, was already attacking a beer, like a fat kid attacking a box of cakes. I walked over wearing my Mike Magoo T-shirt, Mike squints at me. I don’t react. I wait for everyone else to rock up. I wait. I wait. And I continue to wait. Then Stef appears. Mike said, “Do you have that…?” and he tails off. “No, it’s in the room.” Interrupted Stef. “Can you go and get it.” Said Mike.

While Stef was away doing whatever it was that Stef was doing, Mike said something along the lines of, “This is just to show our appreciation of everything you have done for us and the band…” at which point Stef reappears with a bag in her hand.   

I opened the bag. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was a custom made Bills shirt with the number “3” and “NOGGIN” on it. I just fell around laughing. Number “3”. Now that was clever. Smart. Cute. What a wonderful touch. Why? Because the first time I went to Buffalo to see H&HGs play a hometown gig, I’d asked for ticket number 3 and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE said, “Why does he want number 3?” My work here is done.

Well, would you look at that, ticket No. 3

Eventually, we realised that no one else was rocking up so the three of us jumped into a taxi and went into town. The Anvil was closed, so we went for food before decamping at Bear’s Bar and spending a silly amount of time and money in there.

We chatted the night away with friends who’d also noticed the complete lack of promotion of the tour and frankly it was heartbreaking to hear. Firstly, because you don’t want to see your mates hurting and secondly, it wasn’t just me that had noticed the complete lack of promotion. This really was starting to look very bad indeed.

Why was no one promoting the gigs? What was I not understanding?

I tried to keep my mouth shut and listen more than I talked. Surprisingly, I succeeded.  

To try and add some context to my worries, and my observations, I’d managed to get the band on Hot Rock Radio, where Elysa gave the band a wonderful piece of air time, which we all listened to live. I managed to arrange the recording of one the gigs for a live broadcast on a different radio station. I managed to arrange an interview at the Call of the Wild festival. I managed to arranged photographers for the pit at Call of the Wild. I was to later take photographers to the side of the stage during the tour so they could take as many images as they needed, none of that first three songs no flash rule here. Then there was the Polaroid silliness, which was easily the best idea I’ve stolen. Have I made my point?

Can you believe that I’d even been in touch with the Mayor’s Office in Buffalo and Wolverhampton, because I saw on their own sites that for some reason Buffalo and Wolverhampton were twinned with each other. Who knew? Not me. So, I invited both the Mayor’s Office of Buffalo and Wolverhampton to get involved with the tour and offered the Mayor of Wolverhampton a night on the piss at The Giffard in Wolverhampton. I got a reply too. Admittedly it’s a restraining order, but that’s not the point.

If I, as the Tour Driver, can arrange all of that, then what the hell were the others doing? Or not doing as the case may be. There were a lot of people that needed to have a long hard look at themselves and their actions. Or lack of actions as the case may be.

So much for only having one job.

An example of what Simon did. Every gig on the tour got the same treatment. He simply and cleverly placed Molly Karloff above H&HGs, just to do something different. 

While I’m on the subject of promotion, about four to five weeks out from the tour Simon from Molly Karloff, not only stepped up to the plate, but he went above and beyond the call of duty. Every third day or so, Simon would batter the interweb with adverts. Literally dozens of adverts each day advertising the tour. I’ve never seen anything like it. Everyone owes him a debt.

  

Friday 29^th May 2026

The Anvil, Bournemouth

I was woken by Tchaikovsky's Sugar Plum Fairy, which was a new experience for me. Jeremy has it for an alarm on his phone. We spoke of our mutual love of Classical music and how it directly influences Rock and Metal music. 

Jeremy continued to set up his guitar and I went off to check on the van and give it a clean.

The van wasn’t dirty, far from it, it’s just that I have OCD and my standard of clean isn’t necessarily the same as others. Spending time cleaning the van gave me time alone with my thoughts and it was just what the doctor ordered. It gave me the chance to reset my headspace. The lack of promotion really had messed with my head. It wasn’t my band it was theirs, but it wasn’t just the band that had been fucked over it was my mates, and that hurt.

We’d also picked up our first parking ticket. That was something I’d planned for and we’d spoken about at Mickey Rats last summer. It was factored into my job title, Tour Driver.

That showed the difference in my approach to my job and the approach others were taking to theirs. And, to qualify the point, I was doing this as a favour for friends, others were doing it as a job, a real time job and taking a fee. They must be sponsored by Horlicks. How else can they sleep at night?

I continued to have issues getting online. I did manage to download images onto my porn machine, but the getting online issue was becoming a right royal pain in the arse. I’d spent a year collecting images, memes, and everything was geared up to be released daily. Was it the end of the world? No. But, I’d got so many things planned, just silly little ways to promote each day and each gig. There I go again doing someone else’s job.

A real time genuine issue did arise. Jeremy had forgotten his contact lens solution. It was just the excuse I needed so off to the shops I went, contact lens solution, lottery tickets and post cards for my daughter Anna. 

The heat wave was still in full affect for the 15.00 bus call and drive to the venue. It was so oppressive and we were on the coast too. The drive to the venue was easy and we parked immediately across the street from the venue. Again, all of that homework paid off. Speaking of homework.

In March, while on annual leave, I created a Tour Itinerary. Which included all the venue load ins. Parking locations. Hotels. Bus call times. Why wasn’t this provided by the promoters? There I go again doing other people’s jobs. But as this came under the influence of driving, there was no way on this planet that I was going to leave it to a non driver to organise. Let that be a heads up for anyone creating a Tour Itinerary, make sure you actively interact with the driver, just because you can drive, does not make you a Driver. Learn the difference.

Also, on that subject, I contacted every venue via Email or phone calls, to get first hand advice on load in locations and times. The only venue to ignore the Emails and not answer the phone, yeah, you guessed it. The Anvil. Shame really, because when we did finally load in, they couldn’t have been more friendly or proactive if they tried.

When I told the band to cross the road via the subway, that's not exactly what I meant.

Anyway, we went for dinner at the Noodle Bar next door to the venue before decamping once more into Bear’s Bar. Jeremy and I popped to ASDA. I was looking for a cooler box while Jeremy was looking for AA batteries, 24 of them. How many? And I instantly went back to a gig in Buffalo last July. 

H&HGs were doing a gig at the Rec Room. It was a three band bill. The opening band, who I won’t name here, had an issue with their equipment. The issue was a simple fix, the batteries in their radio packs were flat. Mike, once he understood the issue, calmly handed them a box of batteries and the issue was resolved. But their attitude was if we start late so does everyone else, and because of the curfew time, H&HGs would have to cut their set.

It’s a good job I wasn’t told this until after the event. I went fucking mental. You don’t rock up to a gig with dead batteries and then start altering the stage times because you can’t get you shit together. Never mind what the fuck… it’s more the point of who the fuck… do you think you are.

Again, that showed the gulf between Jeremy and other musicians. He arrived with enough batteries to get him through the opening two gigs and was prepared to buy 24 fresh batteries to get him through the rest of the tour, using fresh batteries each night. What a joy to be around.

The load in was on time. It was messy because we were parked on the other side of a busy road. But it was easier than doing it after the gig in the dark. The venue staff couldn’t have been more helpful if they tried.

I wonder if people are going to keep those Polaroids. Um... 

Once inside I found three A3 sized posters advertising the gig. So maybe all wasn’t lost after all. I asked the band to sign them and left them on the side for someone to take. 

The Polaroid hunt seemed to work and the first person to find it was Andy Smith who was going to be 42 on the following Tuesday. He walked away a happy bunny with loads of swag.

Personally, I think the story of the day was this, and I promise you this happened. About two thirds of the way through the H&HGs set the soundman appeared over my right shoulder and said, “Blah Blah Blah,” and I replied, “What?” as I pointed at my ear. He then said something along the lines of, “Do you think the sound is a bit off?” I did the classic double take and said something along the lines of, “Yeah, Stef’s vocals need to be on top of the mix.” To which he replied, “Yeah, I thought so.” He then walked back to the desk, did whatever it was that he did and Hey Presto! The sound went boom and room lit up like a Xmas tree. I could have slapped him.

Just for the record, Molly Karloff and Mikey Ball & The Company, were all great fun and we agreed to do it all again tomorrow in Cambridge.

The funniest story of the day? After the load out, we all stayed in the pub meeting people and drinking far too much. This young foreign lady rocks up and offers to buy the band a round of drinks, I tried to explain that because we’re the band and we have wrist bands, we get our drinks for free. Everyone just stared at me. “No we don’t, I’ve had to pay for mine.” Said Mike interrupting me. “Did you? I’ve been getting free drinks all night.” I replied. Everyone continued to stare at me. “No, really, I haven’t paid all day, watch this.” At which point I get up, walk to the bar, order a drink, and the lovely young blonde barmaid hands me my drink and I return to the table. If looks could kill. The band were not happy.  

In my defence. I can’t help it if I’m a right dead sexy bastard and the female bar staff want to shag me. I mean really, can you the blame the girl.

Somewhere too close to 02.00 we found ourselves eating chicken in a fast food place across from the venue before going back to the hotel and a well deserved cup of tea.

I got to bed at 03.30-ish.

Saturday 30^th May 2026

The Six Six Bar, Cambridge

As is my job, I was up before everyone else after going to bed after everyone else.

Bus call was 12 noon. Everyone was on time. That deal was done way back in 2023 while at the Ibis Hotel, Heathrow. More on that later.

The Sun was high in the sky. The temperature was in the high 70s. Everyone was in high spirits. And by ten minutes up the road everyone in the back was fast asleep.

Mike, without any encouragement from me, honest… leaned over and took a series of photos and then promptly dumped them on the interweb. And I made a mental note to never to fall asleep I public.

We stopped at the services for coffee. No one knew it at the time, but this was to become a bit of a ritual, and it was something that we all started to look forward to. If we ever tour again, we will continue with this, it was such a simple and effective thing to do.

Thanks to joys of the M25 we got to the Holiday Inn Express, Great Cambourne, Cambridge, at 16.00-ish and by 17.00-ish were at the venue waiting to load in. I don’t care what happens on the road. Being late is not an option.

Because I’d done my homework, I knew I couldn’t get access to the venue load in, so I reversed in as close as I could. We hand balled the gear off and I went to park up at Adam & Eve car park. Simple when you put the effort in. Problem solved before it even arrives. In the world of sales it’s called, preempting the negative, In the world of band promotion it’s called, letting some other cunt do your job.

I walked back to the venue. I arrived just in time for Mike to ask for something that was in the van. So back to the van I went.

I walked back to the venue. I arrived just in time for Mike to ask for something that was in the van. So back to the van I went for the second time.

I walked back to the venue. I arrived just in time for Mike to ask for something that was in the van. So back to the van I went for the third time.

Amazing how quickly you can start to dislike someone isn’t it. What a Cunt!

Having learned my lesson from yesterday, while the band sound checked, I calmly walked over to the soundman and said something like, “I don’t want to tell you your job but, can you put Stef’s vocals on top of the mix please?” and bless his heart, he had no ego at all, he said no problem. I could have kissed him.

He kept his word too. When it came to show time, Stef’s vocals were sat like a massive cherry on top of a fat kid’s cake.

Inside The Six Six Bar, there was a wall full of photos, so that’s where I hid the Polaroid. The first 20 people through the door missed it. My mate Skull didn’t.

For all of you that haven’t met my mate Skull, Skull has MS and is in a wheelchair and he has a helper/carer who goes to gigs with him. By complete and utter fluke, we all just happened to look towards the door as he was being manoeuvred through it. Quicker than Superman, who’s faster than a speeding bullet, Skull sprang from his wheelchair and walked towards the Polaroid, removed it from the wall, walked back to his wheelchair and promptly retook his seat. “He’s cured!” cried the band members, “It’s a miracle,” they continued.

On a personal level, I was gutted. I thought that would run all night. I needed to up my game. 

Dawn and Denise (alphabetical) arrived and it was so good to see them. This was important on many levels, here’s a few. They are my mates. Neither of them really likes female singers, that’s OK. Neither of them likes singers who growl and scream and neither do I, that’s OK too. They are my mates, I knew I could trust them, I knew I could tell them about the promoter issue, I knew I could ask their opinion, I knew I would get a truthful honest observation, to what was going on. They were a walking talking factory reset button. We sat at the rear of the room, I told them what was going on and they offered me their observations. Nice to know we are on the same page.

As for H&HGs, well I was not expecting that, they positively creamed over the band. They mentioned how “Heavy” they were and how they weren’t expecting that. No, neither was I. I’d forgot to mention that H&HGs live sound was a lot heavier than the last time I’d seen them. I was still coming to terms with it myself.  

Their observations were fair, truthful, accurate, genuine, honest. Nothing less than I’d expect.

While all of that was going on Mike said, can you put Stu, Luke and Tom from White Raven Down on the guest list please? We have a guest list? I didn’t know. This is where you need to go back and re-read that, Mike is asking me, can he put three friends on a guest list? He wasn’t telling me, he was asking me. There is a difference. Learn to notice the difference. 

The funniest thing about that was, Stu, Luke & Tom were trying to keep their attendance a secret, but they rocked up and promptly went to the kabab shop across the street where we all watched them stuffing their fat faces as they sat outside.

Halfway through the H&HGs set the room emptied. To say this was alarming was a slight understatement. I looked around room and went off to investigate. Cutting a really long story short, because it was so hot and because The Six Six Bar had no A/C or it was switched off, everyone was stood outside, but in the doorway, trying to listen and trying to stay cool. I stood on the side of the stage and got a message to the band. 

Mary Poppins really has let herself go.

Photo credit, Dawn.

Having learned my lessons from the previous night at in Bournemouth, the messy load out it wasn’t going to happen again. I grabbed a few people, I literally grabbed them and said “STOP!” What needs to go on the van? I do not have time for your ego bullshit, show me, prove to me that you have done an “Idiot Check” show me again. And we still fucked it up. More on that later.

I think I got to bed at 01.30-ish. Little knowing what was about to happen and how everything was about to change.

Interlude

Albatross!

Photo credit, Monty Python's Flying Circus.