Really silly things I've done...

Hearts & Hand Grenades UK Tour 2026

Part One Of Three

Preface

Welcome, to the third and final part of this trilogy. Please note I didn’t use the words my third, I used the words the third. Let me explain.

Part One.

In 2022, Rob Halford released a book titled “Biblical”, in which he offers forth words of wisdom, taken from 50 years of being in a band and touring the world, dispensed in the style of the Bible. It’s an essential read for anyone with dreams of becoming a working musician.

Part Two.

In the winter of 2023, I found myself on tour, as a fan, doing seventeen gigs in seventeen days. Twelve of those gigs were Wolfsbane gigs, while the other five gigs, were gigs on my supposed days off. The gigs being, ABBA Voyage, Living Colour, Vlure, Ginger Wildheart and Geddy Lee. It seemed like a really good idea at the time. Little did I know…

Then I thought, hold on, if Rob Halford has dispensed his thoughts and experiences of being in the music industry for 50 years, why don’t I do the same. Why not write about what it’s like to be a fan on the road following a band. Why not share my experiences, short cuts, and lessons learned the hard way. So that’s exactly what I did. And the blog was born. *

It was just like Rob and I chatting over a garden fence. Just two people having a natter on a subject we both know intimately.

Part Three.

In the summer of 2023, I was invited to dinner by Mike and Stef from the band Hearts & Hand Grenades. Cutting a very long story short, they asked me if I’d be prepared to drive them on their next UK tour. Never one to turn down an adventure, I said yes immediately.

That part of the story would fill a book by itself, but I don’t want to be here all day, but I also can’t just skip past it, so I need to quickly explain two things.

Firstly, in the spring of 2023, I’d seen H&HGs twice on their first UK tour. Once they had told me their story I thought, oh well, I’ll never see them again.

Secondly, in the summer of 2023, they returned for a second UK tour. I had tickets to four gigs. Once the tour was complete, I was invited to dinner at the Ibis Hotel, Heathrow.

So, as you can see, it wasn’t just a random question, from a random bunch of Yanks, to a random Brit. We already had a shared history. In the space of six months, we’d already shared so much. And again, that would fill a book by itself.

I don’t think either one of us expected it to be a full three years before H&HGs would able to tour the UK again, but that’s exactly what happened.

In the three years that followed, the dynamic of our relationship changed. The original dynamic was a simple one, they were a band and I liked their music. Now, now it was different, in those three years, we’d all become mates, proper mates.

Suddenly, I was having trouble seeing and hearing the band. Suddenly, they are my mates first and a band second. I’d sort of lost track of the band.

As 2026 rolled around and the UK tour got closer, I found myself in a completely unexpected position. Yes, I’d agreed to driving the band on their next UK tour, but that was three years ago, three years ago they were a band, and I was a fan. Now we are mates. Yes, they are still a band, but I’m in a different place, which by default means they are too. And the idea of the trilogy was born.

It was always my intention to write a blog for this tour, but now, now I had an opportunity to come at this subject from a completely different angle. And as any writer will tell you, it’s all about angles.

I was working the tour. I was a fan of the band. They are my mates. Really, just how many angles does a boy need. Do I look like a protractor?

Somehow, someway, I needed to find a way to combine all of those angles and show them in an easy-to-use format. Maybe I was a protractor after all.

Welcome to Mathematics on the Road.

Right.

That’s enough about me and why I’m here.

* https://nogginwalsall.blogspot.com/2023/11/on-tour-for-dummies-fans-guide-to-being.html

Introduction. Planning. Travel. Hotels. Venues. Towns & Cities. Friends. Holidays. Lucky. Money. Days Off. E Tickets, Real Tickets & Guest List. Support Bands. Merchandise. Set List. Back Stage. Come Down. Epilogue. Stop Press/Illness.

Introduction

Before I go any further, if you think I’m going to wash mine, or the bands, dirty washing in public, stop reading this now.

Before I go any further, if you think I’m going pretend, or lie, or offer you an account, that is removed from the truth, then that isn’t going to happen either.

When it came to writing my blog, I made my intentions to the band very clear, it was going to be warts n’ all, or nothing. I was asked not to mention certain things for legal reasons. And I agreed.

I am going to offer you an observation, please note what I wrote, an observation, nothing more or less. Just a pure, truthful, honest, and sometimes a painful observation to what it’s like to tour the UK with an American band.

I am going to point the finger at people and venues, sometimes my observations will be positive, sometimes they will be negative. Just remember, before I point the finger at others and offer a negative observation, I’ve looked in the mirror first.

Finally, my words are just that, mine. I do not represent Hearts & Hand Grenades, these words are mine and mine alone. If you have an issue with what I have written take it up with me face to face or send me something in writing, give me permission to “cut & paste” and I will happily add your point of view to my blog.

Right, time for you to get comfortable and the others to get their Kevlar helmets.

Lights blue touch paper and stands well back.

Incoming!

Now.

Read on… If you dare.

Wednesday 27^th May 2026

Vans For Bands

VFBs sister company Band Movers.

Aren’t epiphany moments wonderful.

It was Thursday 26^th March 2026, and I was driving along the M4 towards Hammersmith. As I passed J4 and Heathrow Airport, I looked at the hotels that decorate the landscape and I went Ping! Why didn’t I think of that before? Why don’t I stay in a hotel at Heathrow the night before the band arrive?

It was Sunday 20^th July 2025, and we were at Mickey Rats Beach Club, Angola, NY, just south of Buffalo, NY. We being Cory, Mike, Stef, Chip, Andy, Ketty, Tom and Terry, while Chris was tending bar and doing his best to get us all drunk with an assortment of cocktails that I’m convinced he was just making up on the spot.

Anymore of your shit and its orf with your heads... Peasants!
L to R Chris, Mike, Andy, Cory, Stef & Chip.

As we stood at the bar, Mike took out his phone and showed me the UK tour dates for May/June 2026. From that exact moment, in my drunken state, I started to plan the UK tour.

Mike sent the tour schedule to my phone, and after Chip kindly drove me back to my hotel in Buffalo, I literally staggered into my room, and while drunk, I worked out the all of maths for the UK tour. The miles and the times between all the venues, including the arrival and departure at Heathrow Airport.

The following night, while at dinner, after falling in the river at Niagara Falls and almost plummeting to my death, while Cory just stood there laughing at me, taking images and uploading them to the Interweb – now that’s the sign of a true friend, he doesn’t go and get help, no, he goes straight to his phone, films it and uploads images while laughing at my impending doom. A true friend indeed.

Gran and I were lucky, the ducks less so, as over the Falls they went.

The rock I slipped off.

Where was I? Oh yeah. While drip drying at dinner and removing fish from my pockets, I showed Cory, Mike and Stef the notes I’d made about the tour. I think it’s fair to say that they were impressed.

I then asked, “How are you going to travel around the UK?” Before they had a chance to offer an answer, I mentioned Vans For Bands. I showed them the VFBs website and their eyes lit up like a Xmas Tree.

Give me a number from one to four. Three. My work here is done. I’d made sure that we were going to use VFBs and I’d made it look like they had made the choice.

I went back to England and that’s when it started to go wrong. Well, I say started to go wrong, it was more a case of I can only get two weeks off from work and it’s non-negotiable, and while I was at Mickey Rats I could already see an issue. The issue being that the UK tour was just short of two weeks, but only just. I could, if I was smart, just about fit the tour into my two week holiday entitlement.

On my return to work, in July 2025, I immediately booked two weeks off in May/June 2026.

Then the tour got moved. What the fuck? H&HGs UK Tour Mk II. It properly climbed inside my head and it should not have. All the calendar dates were the same, it was just the venues that had been moved or changed. It meant I took my eye off the ball. Instead of concentrating on the dates, I’d started to concentrate on the routing of the tour. It was the first time I was to drop the ball. It wouldn’t be my last.

H&HGs UK Tour Mk I

H&HGs UK Tour Mk II

Jumping forward slightly. I was due to collect the vehicle from VFBs mid-afternoon. While H&HGs had a 09.30 Heathrow arrival time. Elephant in the room anyone?

It was Saturday 6^th August 2025, and Walsall were playing Barnet away (North London). And I still hadn’t properly dealt with the said Elephant in the room. But I had done my homework on VFBs.

Speaking of homework. How good is your Geography? I live in Hoddesdon, Hertfordshire. VFBs are in Oxford, Oxfordshire. Heathrow Airport is in Greater London formally Middlesex. Making a nice big triangle shape. Geography & Geometry, whatever next.

Even though VFBs are based in Oxford, they have a collection point at Heathrow Airport for international bands arriving in the UK via Heathrow Airport. So, on the morning of Saturday 6^th August 2025, I jumped on the tube and checked out the VFBs collection point at LHR before going off to the football.

Their online instructions were perfect, except for one thing, the large metal external staircase leading to the car park. GAME OVER!

Then there was the car park. OK, that’s two things. In reference to the car park, if I was to type “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, tell me what scene instantly springs to mind. Like fuck was I leaving my car in that car park.

Back to the Elephant in the room. There was no way for me to get to VFBs for a mid-afternoon collection and then get to Heathrow Airport for the morning arrival, well, not without the use of a TARDIS.

I promise you that I stared at that problem for a whole six months. Six months. Six months of trying to work out how I could move the arrival time of the band or the collection time of the vehicle.

And I promise you it wasn’t until that Thursday evening as I drove towards Hammersmith along the M4 that I suddenly went Ping!

I couldn’t get my delivery done quickly enough, and it felt like an eternity to drive back to the yard. As soon as I got back, I requested a change in my holiday’s, and once I’d explained my reasoning, it was granted on the spot.

The office at VFBs opens at 10.00 and I bet I was the first phone call they received that Friday morning. I explained my epiphany from the previous evening, in the same detail that I’ve just explained it to you, and they just fell over themselves in helping me. They really couldn’t have done more if they tried. In less than 24 hours I’d solved a problem that been a draining me like a toothache for over six months.

And that Ladies and Gentlemen, is how I finished work at 22.00 on Tuesday 26^th May 2026, before staggering off to bed around 03.00 the following morning, only to have the joy of waking at 07.30 because of the heat wave which slowly arrived like the slamming of a door. Bang! Heat wave.

By 16.00 I was at VFBs collecting the vehicle and heading off down the M40 to the Premier Inn, London Heathrow Airport T2 & T3.

Where, after a quick trip to the local Tesco Express, I promptly got lost inside the hotel. I ended up so confused, that in the end, I had to go back to reception and ask for help, because, not only had I got lost, I’d actually forgotten my room number. And I’m the tour driver.

I then sat in the bar, I ate, I drank, I watched Crystal Palace win the UEFA Conference League Final and I sent a message to the bands Messenger page to let them know that I was already at Heathrow waiting for their arrival. While Mike and I chatted via text messages and I genuinely started to fear the worse.

Oh yeah, the band, I suppose I better give them a mention, fragile egos and all that. I wouldn’t want them thinking that this blog was about anyone but them.

By the time I was getting lost in the hotel – and that really did happen by the way, the band were on their way from Buffalo to London Heathrow via JFK. But that was only half the story. Cory and Jeremy live in Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix, is at least 2000 miles away from Buffalo, so Cory and Jeremy’s journey began on Tuesday 19^th May 2026 which is a whole eleven days before the first UK gig on Friday 29^th May 2026.

I shall pause for a second for you to all process those dates. No, they are not typos. More on that later.

On a positive the A/C in my room was working. On a negative my porn machine was struggling to get online. Little did I know, how important both of those would become over the next ten days.

Thursday 28^th May 2026

Heathrow Airport Terminal 2

I staggered off to bed at 01.00, the alarm went off at 06.00, and by 07.30, I’d checked out, paid the car parking fee and was setting up the vehicle.

When I say setting up the vehicle, it was basically wipe down the table and seats with antibacterial wipes before taking all of the drinks and snacks out of the rear of the vehicle and placing them within arm’s reach for “The Talent” (and believe me, that’s the last time I’ll refer to them as that).

It was so stupidly hot when I arrived at the hotel yesterday, that it was better to leave everything in the rear of the vehicle and do this in the cooler morning air.

By 09.00 I was at Heathrow T2 pick up and drop off. I slowly baked under a bright blue sky. The band arrived and promptly went to Level 1 instead of Level 5 where the photo I’d sent them quite clearly showed I was waiting, and baking, under a bright blue sky. I rolled my eyes. And no, I didn’t go to them, I made them come to me. Do I look like a fucking taxi service.

Lots of hugs and handshakes. “You must be Jeremy,” I said, sticking out my hand, “You must be Noggin,” he replied. We shock hands and I showed Jeremy his guitar.

Oh yeah, while I remember, Jeremy’s guitar. On Sunday 05^th April 2026 Jeremy announced on the bands Messenger page, that he was thinking of buying a cheap guitar online, because it would be cheaper than bringing his own guitar, and could he have it delivered to my address.

By Wednesday 15^th April 2026 it had been delivered and by Tuesday 21^st April 2026, with the help of my mate Mark, I’d bought a hard case for the guitar, because Jeremy’s new guitar only came with a black nylon bag. There was no way on this planet that I was going to be worrying and stressing over that on tour, so to make everyone’s life easier, starting with mine, I bought a hard case for £60-ish and told Jeremy it was on me.

My official job on this tour was Tour Driver. That was it. One job. My attitude was this. Anything, and I mean anything, that fell under the influence of driving was my responsibility. And that included making sure Jeremy’s new cheap online guitar completed the tour in one piece. More on this job title later.

Just for the record, and just so we are clear on this subject, if Jeremy decided to smash someone around the head with his guitar, in a Sid Vicious stylie, then that was fine by me as it had nothing to do with driving.

He opened the case, looked at it, and nodded his approval. We loaded the van and we set off for Bournemouth.

Mike rode shotgun while everyone else piled into the back. Once everyone had fallen asleep, I quietly asked Mike who knew about the issues with the lack of promotion and advanced ticket sales. We chatted.

For a few months now I’d been aware of something not being right. From the moment Mike showed me the tour schedule at Mickey Rats in Buffalo, I’d started planning the tour and that included lifting images from the interweb, following venues, and looking for online adverts, to use on Facefuck and in the telling of this blog.

I’d got friends reporting back to me, and I’d personally been to venues, only to find no adverts or promotion of any sort. Then, while in Wolverhampton on Saturday 23^rd May 2026 as the tour started the following Friday, my worst fears were confirmed. Too many people had failed to step up to the plate.

I dread to think about the pressure that Mike must have been under. I have no idea how he managed to spin all of those plates. But spin them he did. If I ever needed proof to just how much he wanted this, then there it was. This really was going to be the six of us verses the World. That works for me. Bring it on!

After a very brief stop at the services for coffee, snacks and travel sickness – no you can’t buy it, someone had it, we arrived at the Premier Inn, Bournemouth, at 12.00 just in time for a 15.00 check in.

I’d love to tell you that we went straight to bar in a Rock n’ Roll stylie, but the bar was closed. Ciro and Jeremy crashed out. Mike dived online. Someone found coffee from somewhere and Cory went “Psst…” and handed me two crew shirts which cleverly hid the Mike Mr Magoo T-shirt that we were all going to wear that night while out on the town.

Let me explain the T-shirt, back In April while Jeremy was mincing around with cheap online guitars, Cory started sending me images of drum skins he had been drawing on. One of which was of Mike looking like Mr Magoo, because Mike is basically blind as a bat and so is Mr Magoo. In a mad moment of chatting, that image went from being a singular image on a drum skin to being turned into stickers, before Cory came up with the idea of having it printed onto a T-shirt which we were all going to wear on that first night without telling Mike. We were all just going to rock up wearing the same T-shirt.

Eventually 15.00 rolled around and I was rooming with Jeremy, which was a bit weird, considering we’d only met six hours earlier, but I was put at ease immediately when Jeremy walked into the room switched the kettle on a made a cup of tea. Who knew that a Yank could be so cultured.

Jeremy then went about setting up his guitar and I went on learning curve so step I could have hired it out as a ski jump.

He tried to teach me about intonation, saddles, frets, pick up's, strings, head stocks, truss rods, whammy bars, and lots of other things that I’ve forgotten. I watched as he changed the strings on his guitar while we continued to drink what to others would seem like an obscene amount of tea.

While all of that was happening, and within 30 minutes, we’d exhausted the complimentary supply of tea so off to the corner shop I went for tea bags and biscuits.

I watched in equal measures of bemusement and intrigue as Jeremy would work feverishly on his guitar and then promptly fall asleep on the bed with the guitar as close to hand as a lover. Only to have him wake and instantly fiddle and play with his guitar. Just like a lover. I’m led to believe that a guitar needs to settle before you can continue to adjust and bring the guitar to life. Again, just like a lover. Guitars and Women… they’re just so needy…

I left Jeremy to his guitar, his sleep, and I went off to the reception to meet up with the rest of the band wearing my Mike Magoo T-shirt.

Just me then? Mike, just for a change, was already attacking a beer, like a fat kid attacking a box of cakes. I walked over wearing my Mike Magoo T-shirt, Mike squints at me. I don’t react. I wait for everyone else to rock up. I wait. I wait. And I continue to wait. Then Stef appears. Mike said, “Do you have that…?” and he tails off. “No, it’s in the room.” Interrupted Stef. “Can you go and get it.” Said Mike.

While Stef was away doing whatever it was that Stef was doing, Mike said something along the lines of, “This is just to show our appreciation of everything you have done for us and the band…” at which point Stef reappears with a bag in her hand.

I opened the bag. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was a custom made Bills shirt with the number “3” and “NOGGIN” on it. I just fell around laughing. Number “3”. Now that was clever. Smart. Cute. What a wonderful touch. Why? Because the first time I went to Buffalo to see H&HGs play a hometown gig, I’d asked for ticket number 3 and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE said, “Why does he want number 3?” My work here is done.

Well, would you look at that, ticket No. 3

Eventually, we realised that no one else was rocking up so the three of us jumped into a taxi and went into town. The Anvil was closed, so we went for food before decamping at Bear’s Bar and spending a silly amount of time and money in there.

We chatted the night away with friends who’d also noticed the complete lack of promotion of the tour and frankly it was heartbreaking to hear. Firstly, because you don’t want to see your mates hurting and secondly, it wasn’t just me that had noticed the complete lack of promotion. This really was starting to look very bad indeed.

Why was no one promoting the gigs? What was I not understanding?

I tried to keep my mouth shut and listen more than I talked. Surprisingly, I succeeded.

To try and add some context to my worries, and my observations, I’d managed to get the band on Hot Rock Radio, where Elysa gave the band a wonderful piece of air time, which we all listened to live. I managed to arrange the recording of one the gigs for a live broadcast on a different radio station. I managed to arrange an interview at the Call of the Wild festival. I managed to arranged photographers for the pit at Call of the Wild. I was to later take photographers to the side of the stage during the tour so they could take as many images as they needed, none of that first three songs no flash rule here. Then there was the Polaroid silliness, which was easily the best idea I’ve stolen. Have I made my point?

Can you believe that I’d even been in touch with the Mayor’s Office in Buffalo and Wolverhampton, because I saw on their own sites that for some reason Buffalo and Wolverhampton were twinned with each other. Who knew? Not me. So, I invited both the Mayor’s Office of Buffalo and Wolverhampton to get involved with the tour and offered the Mayor of Wolverhampton a night on the piss at The Giffard in Wolverhampton. I got a reply too. Admittedly it’s a restraining order, but that’s not the point.

If I, as the Tour Driver, can arrange all of that, then what the hell were the others doing? Or not doing as the case may be. There were a lot of people that needed to have a long hard look at themselves and their actions. Or lack of actions as the case may be.

So much for only having one job.

An example of what Simon did. Every gig on the tour got the same treatment. He simply and cleverly placed Molly Karloff above H&HGs, just to do something different.

While I’m on the subject of promotion, about four to five weeks out from the tour Simon from Molly Karloff, not only stepped up to the plate, but he went above and beyond the call of duty. Every third day or so, Simon would batter the interweb with adverts. Literally dozens of adverts each day advertising the tour. I’ve never seen anything like it. Everyone owes him a debt.

Friday 29^th May 2026

The Anvil, Bournemouth

I was woken by Tchaikovsky's Sugar Plum Fairy, which was a new experience for me. Jeremy has it for an alarm on his phone. We spoke of our mutual love of Classical music and how it directly influences Rock and Metal music.

Jeremy continued to set up his guitar and I went off to check on the van and give it a clean.

The van wasn’t dirty, far from it, it’s just that I have OCD and my standard of clean isn’t necessarily the same as others. Spending time cleaning the van gave me time alone with my thoughts and it was just what the doctor ordered. It gave me the chance to reset my headspace. The lack of promotion really had messed with my head. It wasn’t my band it was theirs, but it wasn’t just the band that had been fucked over it was my mates, and that hurt.

We’d also picked up our first parking ticket. That was something I’d planned for and we’d spoken about at Mickey Rats last summer. It was factored into my job title, Tour Driver.

That showed the difference in my approach to my job and the approach others were taking to theirs. And, to qualify the point, I was doing this as a favour for friends, others were doing it as a job, a real time job and taking a fee. They must be sponsored by Horlicks. How else can they sleep at night?

I continued to have issues getting online. I did manage to download images onto my porn machine, but the getting online issue was becoming a right royal pain in the arse. I’d spent a year collecting images, memes, and everything was geared up to be released daily. Was it the end of the world? No. But, I’d got so many things planned, just silly little ways to promote each day and each gig. There I go again doing someone else’s job.

A real time genuine issue did arise. Jeremy had forgotten his contact lens solution. It was just the excuse I needed so off to the shops I went, contact lens solution, lottery tickets and post cards for my daughter Anna.

The heat wave was still in full affect for the 15.00 bus call and drive to the venue. It was so oppressive and we were on the coast too. The drive to the venue was easy and we parked immediately across the street from the venue. Again, all of that homework paid off. Speaking of homework.

In March, while on annual leave, I created a Tour Itinerary. Which included all the venue load ins. Parking locations. Hotels. Bus call times. Why wasn’t this provided by the promoters? There I go again doing other people’s jobs. But as this came under the influence of driving, there was no way on this planet that I was going to leave it to a non driver to organise. Let that be a heads up for anyone creating a Tour Itinerary, make sure you actively interact with the driver, just because you can drive, does not make you a Driver. Learn the difference.

Also, on that subject, I contacted every venue via Email or phone calls, to get first hand advice on load in locations and times. The only venue to ignore the Emails and not answer the phone, yeah, you guessed it. The Anvil. Shame really, because when we did finally load in, they couldn’t have been more friendly or proactive if they tried.

When I told the band to cross the road via the subway, that's not exactly what I meant.

Anyway, we went for dinner at the Noodle Bar next door to the venue before decamping once more into Bear’s Bar. Jeremy and I popped to ASDA. I was looking for a cooler box while Jeremy was looking for AA batteries, 24 of them. How many? And I instantly went back to a gig in Buffalo last July.

H&HGs were doing a gig at the Rec Room. It was a three band bill. The opening band, who I won’t name here, had an issue with their equipment. The issue was a simple fix, the batteries in their radio packs were flat. Mike, once he understood the issue, calmly handed them a box of batteries and the issue was resolved. But their attitude was if we start late so does everyone else, and because of the curfew time, H&HGs would have to cut their set.

It’s a good job I wasn’t told this until after the event. I went fucking mental. You don’t rock up to a gig with dead batteries and then start altering the stage times because you can’t get you shit together. Never mind what the fuck… it’s more the point of who the fuck… do you think you are.

Again, that showed the gulf between Jeremy and other musicians. He arrived with enough batteries to get him through the opening two gigs and was prepared to buy 24 fresh batteries to get him through the rest of the tour, using fresh batteries each night. What a joy to be around.

The load in was on time. It was messy because we were parked on the other side of a busy road. But it was easier than doing it after the gig in the dark. The venue staff couldn’t have been more helpful if they tried.

I wonder if people are going to keep those Polaroids. Um...

Once inside I found three A3 sized posters advertising the gig. So maybe all wasn’t lost after all. I asked the band to sign them and left them on the side for someone to take.

The Polaroid hunt seemed to work and the first person to find it was Andy Smith who was going to be 42 on the following Tuesday. He walked away a happy bunny with loads of swag.

Personally, I think the story of the day was this, and I promise you this happened. About two thirds of the way through the H&HGs set the soundman appeared over my right shoulder and said, “Blah Blah Blah,” and I replied, “What?” as I pointed at my ear. He then said something along the lines of, “Do you think the sound is a bit off?” I did the classic double take and said something along the lines of, “Yeah, Stef’s vocals need to be on top of the mix.” To which he replied, “Yeah, I thought so.” He then walked back to the desk, did whatever it was that he did and Hey Presto! The sound went boom and room lit up like a Xmas tree. I could have slapped him.

Just for the record, Molly Karloff and Mikey Ball & The Company, were all great fun and we agreed to do it all again tomorrow in Cambridge.

The funniest story of the day? After the load out, we all stayed in the pub meeting people and drinking far too much. This young foreign lady rocks up and offers to buy the band a round of drinks, I tried to explain that because we’re the band and we have wrist bands, we get our drinks for free. Everyone just stared at me. “No we don’t, I’ve had to pay for mine.” Said Mike interrupting me. “Did you? I’ve been getting free drinks all night.” I replied. Everyone continued to stare at me. “No, really, I haven’t paid all day, watch this.” At which point I get up, walk to the bar, order a drink, and the lovely young blonde barmaid hands me my drink and I return to the table. If looks could kill. The band were not happy.

In my defence. I can’t help it if I’m a right dead sexy bastard and the female bar staff want to shag me. I mean really, can you the blame the girl.

Somewhere too close to 02.00 we found ourselves eating chicken in a fast food place across from the venue before going back to the hotel and a well deserved cup of tea.

I got to bed at 03.30-ish.

Saturday 30^th May 2026

The Six Six Bar, Cambridge

As is my job, I was up before everyone else after going to bed after everyone else.

Bus call was 12 noon. Everyone was on time. That deal was done way back in 2023 while at the Ibis Hotel, Heathrow. More on that later.

The Sun was high in the sky. The temperature was in the high 70s. Everyone was in high spirits. And by ten minutes up the road everyone in the back was fast asleep.

Mike, without any encouragement from me, honest… leaned over and took a series of photos and then promptly dumped them on the interweb. And I made a mental note to never to fall asleep I public.

We stopped at the services for coffee. No one knew it at the time, but this was to become a bit of a ritual, and it was something that we all started to look forward to. If we ever tour again, we will continue with this, it was such a simple and effective thing to do.

Thanks to joys of the M25 we got to the Holiday Inn Express, Great Cambourne, Cambridge, at 16.00-ish and by 17.00-ish were at the venue waiting to load in. I don’t care what happens on the road. Being late is not an option.

Because I’d done my homework, I knew I couldn’t get access to the venue load in, so I reversed in as close as I could. We hand balled the gear off and I went to park up at Adam & Eve car park. Simple when you put the effort in. Problem solved before it even arrives. In the world of sales it’s called, preempting the negative, In the world of band promotion it’s called, letting some other cunt do your job.

I walked back to the venue. I arrived just in time for Mike to ask for something that was in the van. So back to the van I went.

I walked back to the venue. I arrived just in time for Mike to ask for something that was in the van. So back to the van I went for the second time.

I walked back to the venue. I arrived just in time for Mike to ask for something that was in the van. So back to the van I went for the third time.

Amazing how quickly you can start to dislike someone isn’t it. What a Cunt!

Having learned my lesson from yesterday, while the band sound checked, I calmly walked over to the soundman and said something like, “I don’t want to tell you your job but, can you put Stef’s vocals on top of the mix please?” and bless his heart, he had no ego at all, he said no problem. I could have kissed him.

He kept his word too. When it came to show time, Stef’s vocals were sat like a massive cherry on top of a fat kid’s cake.

Inside The Six Six Bar, there was a wall full of photos, so that’s where I hid the Polaroid. The first 20 people through the door missed it. My mate Skull didn’t.

For all of you that haven’t met my mate Skull, Skull has MS and is in a wheelchair and he has a helper/carer who goes to gigs with him. By complete and utter fluke, we all just happened to look towards the door as he was being manoeuvred through it. Quicker than Superman, who’s faster than a speeding bullet, Skull sprang from his wheelchair and walked towards the Polaroid, removed it from the wall, walked back to his wheelchair and promptly retook his seat. “He’s cured!” cried the band members, “It’s a miracle,” they continued.

On a personal level, I was gutted. I thought that would run all night. I needed to up my game.

Dawn and Denise (alphabetical) arrived and it was so good to see them. This was important on many levels, here’s a few. They are my mates. Neither of them really likes female singers, that’s OK. Neither of them likes singers who growl and scream and neither do I, that’s OK too. They are my mates, I knew I could trust them, I knew I could tell them about the promoter issue, I knew I could ask their opinion, I knew I would get a truthful honest observation, to what was going on. They were a walking talking factory reset button. We sat at the rear of the room, I told them what was going on and they offered me their observations. Nice to know we are on the same page.

As for H&HGs, well I was not expecting that, they positively creamed over the band. They mentioned how “Heavy” they were and how they weren’t expecting that. No, neither was I. I’d forgot to mention that H&HGs live sound was a lot heavier than the last time I’d seen them. I was still coming to terms with it myself.

Their observations were fair, truthful, accurate, genuine, honest. Nothing less than I’d expect.

While all of that was going on Mike said, can you put Stu, Luke and Tom from White Raven Down on the guest list please? We have a guest list? I didn’t know. This is where you need to go back and re-read that, Mike is asking me, can he put three friends on a guest list? He wasn’t telling me, he was asking me. There is a difference. Learn to notice the difference.

The funniest thing about that was, Stu, Luke & Tom were trying to keep their attendance a secret, but they rocked up and promptly went to the kabab shop across the street where we all watched them stuffing their fat faces as they sat outside.

Halfway through the H&HGs set the room emptied. To say this was alarming was a slight understatement. I looked around room and went off to investigate. Cutting a really long story short, because it was so hot and because The Six Six Bar had no A/C or it was switched off, everyone was stood outside, but in the doorway, trying to listen and trying to stay cool. I stood on the side of the stage and got a message to the band.