Really silly things I've done...: The FA Vase. Part 3.

Saturday 01^th November 2014

First Round Proper

Ipswich Wanderers v Cockfosters

SEH Sports Ground

Ipswich

IP4 3NR

K.O. 3.00pm

Half time 1-0

Final score 1-0

1-0 Craig Jennings 13 mins

Admission £6

Programme £1 – A5 size, 12 pages not including the cover, 06 pages of adverts.

Miles travelled approximately 470

Attendance 101

In hindsight, listening to War of The Worlds as I drove through the unlit roads of Cumbria and into North Yorkshire as I headed towards the A1 may have been a mistake, but, as usual, I’m jumping ahead of myself.

Today really started yesterday at 5am, once we were over the shock of a 5am alarm clock and I’d had an unhealthy amount of coffee we were on our way to Cumbria. Anna had been invited to a Halloween party which was being thrown by one of her school friends, so off to Cumbria two days early it was.

The party solved a problem, namely that Anna hates football, which meant that I didn’t have the conflict of finding ways to entertain her or simply not doing to game. The party did however throw up another problem, namely that I would find myself in Cumbria on the morning of the game and not in Hertfordshire. Sutton United in the replay anyone…?

http://nogginwalsall.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/the-fa-cup-part-10.html

Halloween came and went. The weather was un-seasonally warm, over 20 degrees with some parts hitting 23 degrees, this is what happens when you open the gates of hell… it’s hardly rocket science… Anna loved the party. Her Mum and husband (Sean) went out for the night, she has a two seater broom stick now. I house sat and watched Dr Who on the IPlayer and before I knew it the witching hour had passed.

By 01.30 I was leaving Cumbria, Alex Lester was on Radio 2. You can take the boy out of Walsall but… mad as a fish in a box… on a bike… up a tree… If he’s all there then I know where there’s a town full of them…

Eventually the wilderness of Cumbria beat the science of radio and the signal dissolved into white noise. On goes War of The Worlds and I gamble that the cross country trek to the A1 is going to be quicker than the M6 - M1 - M25 - A10 although I really hadn’t planned for the effects of listening to War of The Worlds as I trekked to the A1. By the time I’d reached the A1 Carrie and her father had left their little red brick house and I needed new pants.

Later that day the dawn was a brilliant fiery red…

(See what I did there?).

By 08.30 I was home and brushing my teeth. Oh God why does it feel so good to brush your teeth. No really. Why does it feel so good? More coffee, before fuelling up the car with the lovely Jasmine, well I don’t put Jasmine in the car, I put fuel in the car, she just takes the money… *SIGH*

I set the Sat Nav and head off towards the dark side of Ipswich - I’m still yet to find the bright side… I dived onto the M25 at J25 and joined the car park. Witham Town in the replay anyone…?

http://nogginwalsall.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-fa-cup-part-7.html

My ETA started to climb. Eventually my ETA started to fall. The last time I’d been to this side of Ipswich I’d caught one of my customers trying to rob my truck, or the products on it. I kept my job. I wonder where they are now. By 12.25 I was parking on a massive empty gravel car park.

The now usual exploring of an empty football ground. I bumped into Tim and a few other members of staff who were putting the final touches to the day’s preparations. They tell me their story and I tell them mine. Tim hands me a programme as a gift, nice touch that. I’m invited to take as much time as I like in and around the ground and I’m off.

The ground is tired, but very well loved. The pitch looked very green and hilly, and I thought Suffolk was supposed to be flat. I like this ground. It has something. I’m not exactly sure what, but it has something.

I bought a cup of tea, £1.20 and it comes in a mug, just how cool is that and it’s made with tea bags and not that horrible powered vacuum packed stuff either.

A Reflex Ball

I watched the two teams going through there warm ups. I bump into Norman Ingram (again, I’m not sure who’s stalking who) and every now and again I over hear the words, “Cumbria” or “5am” and I’d glance up to see someone pointing in my direction.

Ipswich Wanderers are new to me and they play in a different league to Cockfosters so it’s hard to judge the two teams. Since their last FA Vase game they have lost 3 and won 2 and are 11^th in their league while Cockfosters have won 5 and drawn 1 and are 8^th in their league. I was lead to believe that the game had been built up and was to a cracker.

Just before KO I’m in the toilets doing what you do when you’re in the toilets when “Right Here, Right Now” by Fat Boy Slim blasts out of their PA. My mind instantly goes back to those league games against Man City at Maine Road when they were shit and had no fans and were in Division 3 and playing Walsall and finishing below us in the league. Admittedly Man City isn’t what I’m usually thinking of when I’m holding my Mini Me…

I take my place on the half way line for the team’s entrance and that daft hand shake nonsense, off goes Fat Boy Slim and on goes Status Quo’s “The Wanderer” and didn’t it just rock.

The coin was flipped. One last handshake. Just before the games kicked off someone shouted, “Wembley Awaits”. I guess you had to be there but it was funny.

The game kicked off and went straight into kick it and rush. Not one decent pass to be found. It was just like kids playing in the park, the only difference was that they were keeping their shape and not chasing the ball like a swarm of bees but it would have been no surprise to see them doing it.

Then one of the Cockfosters defenders decided it was time to do his best Ricky Villa impression, just inside the Ipswich half he went past one player, then two, then three and then four, before he lost his legs and the ball, Ipswich went up the other end, where Jennings took advantage of the space left by the out of position defender and with a cold calmness passed the ball with a right foot shot into the bottom left hand corner of the net from the edge of the box. Somewhere I heard David Coleman say, “One – Nil”.

That was pretty much as good as it got.

If three passes were strung together then I was looking the wrong way because I didn’t see them, pass, pass, give it away, pass, pass, give it away, pass, give it away, if I’d have known it going to be like this I’d have brought my “I Spy” book of Morse Code with me.

Both teams were creating chances more often than not with long balls and defence splitting passes. No need for midfield then. The long balls weren’t really working, while the defence splitting passes were wasted on attackers who frankly couldn’t attack a victim tied to a chair, in a subway, in the dark, with no police or CCTV while carrying a knife and a set of instructions on how to commit the perfect crime and get away with it.

Chance after chance went begging. Once in while one the keepers pulled off a half decent save while the rest of us were still laughing and talking about the previous misses which the ball boy was still trying to find. At one point there were at least four balls over the fences and the game was almost bought to stop because we were waiting that long for a ball.

As the first half moved slowly towards a distant half time bar and warm drink the Sun slowly draped shadows over the pitch. The temperature started to drop, this really would be my last game in shorts, until January anyway.

Fortunately half time did arrive and I dived into the bar, Notts County 1 Walsall 1 interesting…

The second half began and continued in the same way as the first half. Both teams tried. Both teams continued with the long ball and defence splitting passes. If either team had bothered to use their midfield they might have had more success and we’d have had a better game to watch.

The first half was pretty much a 50/50 affair. The second started to drift in the favour of Cockfosters.

The two lads up front for Ipswich (Myhill and Jennings) were doing their best, well apart from their finishing, while Francis looked confident and composed in defence, as far as I’m concerned their best player by far.

As with Ipswich, Cockfosters were using Ali and Blackburne up front as their single outlet. It was such a waste.

I tried to let the game wash over me instead of trying to remember and take notes, but it was the only thing keeping me awake.

Suddenly it was very cold.

The game really was becoming very open. Cockfosters went looking for the goal, here’s a clue, it’s those three white sticks with the net attached to the back. Chance after chance after chance just went begging. It was becoming a bit of a joke. I’m presuming that because this is on the internet that it’s going to be available for the rest of human history… HOLD ON! NO! They still haven’t scored… or hit the target…

Enough already, let’s cut to the chase. The game ended 1-0 and they could still be out there now and neither team would have scored. I guess we should be grateful that we saw such a well taken goal.

Before I forget, credit where credit is due. Towards the end of the game (Marks? Cockfosters) made a two footed “tackle”, he jumped in two footed from so far away he almost had to go to a travel agent to book a flight. In his defence, he did win the ball. In his defence, the Ipswich player in question did not react or roll around or play dead, he just got up and got on with it. The Ref called the player over and the Cockfosters Capt’, not even a yellow card. Calm actions from the Ipswich player and calm words from the Ref. RESULT! Worth the trip and admission fee itself.

At last the final whistle went and so did I, to the bar. I’m not sure what the hell was happening at Meadow Lane but eventually the final score came in, Notts County 1 Walsall 2 RESULT!

By now I’d had enough. I said my thanks and good byes and made my way home.

At last I reached Noggin Towers and in the dim coolness of my home I began to write my account of the day’s events before I sank into a restless haunted sleep.

(See what I did there…?).