The Courtesans and The Voyeur Pt I

The Courtesans and The Voyeur 

Part I

Index

00. The Garage, London, 25^th October 2012

01. The Watershed, Newport Pagnall, 02^nd March 2013

02. Candy Bar, Soho, London, 07^th March 2013

03. The Green Room, Welwyn Garden City, 22^nd March 2013

04. The Attic, Tamworth, 16^th August 2014

To be continued…

Thursday 25^th October 2012

Wolfsbane (no support)

The Garage, London

I’d just finished watching my 52^nd Wolfsbane gig, I was leaning on the stage next to the b(J)ase bins which had just spent the last 90 minutes shortening the life span of my left ear, while going through the photos on my camera, when over my right shoulder and in my now only good ear, I heard a female voice say, “Well, there’s a happy face…”

I glanced up and looked in the direction of the voice. In the middle of the floor I saw two fit birds, both a bit pissed, both looking out of place, but both looking in my direction. I ignored them. Daft pissed up bints… I thought to myself and I continued to go through my photos.

“Well, there’s a happy face…” repeated the female voice. I glanced up again. Was she really talking to me? I looked behind me. No, Brad Pitt hadn’t sneaked in… she was definitely speaking to me. Why is she speaking to me? She was either very pissed or had forgotten to put her contacts in, or both. I mumbled something along the lines of, “Very happy…”

The rest as they say is history. Later on that night the female owner of the voice (Sinead) slurred that she was in a band. I asked the name of the band, “The Courtesans” she replied… “I’ll never remember that”, I said, “Can you right it down…” I continued. She handed me a piece of paper with an address on it, and I promised to check them out.

The following day I went Google searching for The Courtesans. Eventually I found this https://youtu.be/BpXuoP9zhE8 and it didn’t make sense. The girl I spoke to the night before was white and blonde, while the girl in video is… well… not… she’s black.

Not only was I confused, which I was, I was confused… On top of that, I actually don’t like covers, so I wasn’t exactly overwhelmed by what I’d found.

As the months plodded by, I continued to look on The Courtesans web site – when I could be bothered to remember that is – then one day I stumbled into “Dirty Killer” which was posted on their site as an audio track. Bloody Hell Fire... I simply wasn’t expecting that, and from the very first play it just went CLICK! I got it straight away. I honestly got it straight away.

At the time, whenever I clicked on their site the track Dirty Killer would play automatically, it didn’t matter, because it didn’t have to, because when I wasn’t listening to it, it was still going around my head.

I just couldn’t get it out my head.

I had to see them live. I had to know if they were really that good. Eventually, the band would announce a gig, which I couldn’t get to, then another one, which again, I couldn’t get to, until one day I noticed that they were going to play a gig in Newport Pagnall.

Saturday 02^nd March 2013

The Courtesans, Charlies Uniform Bed Clothes Party

The Watershed, Newport Pagnall

Newport Pagnall. What a dump. But while I’m there and The Courtesans are there, it is the Rock N’ Roll centre of the universe. Yes it is.

As for The Watershed, could it be more difficult to find? It’s a shop? They’re playing in a shop? What the hell is going on here? Whatever it is, it’s very strange. I had visions of ending up inside a giant wicker man in the car park behind the shopping arcade…

I bumped into Sinead before their set, which wasn’t that difficult considering we were in an old shop in an old arcade that was literally too small to have a fist fight in. Maybe next week the promotor can hire out a phone box. Anyway, she thanked me for turning up and I briefly explained why I bothered. I explained about Venus in Furs and then Dirty Killer and how that song was the one I was waiting to see, just to see if they could do it live… “No pressure then…” She said.

The support band, “Charlies Uniform Bed Clothes Party”, who are easier to watch than say, played a blinder of a set. Bloody hell fire that’s going to take some beating I thought to myself.

Then it happened. I can’t explain it. I don’t understand it to this day, but it happened. I popped down to the bar, I went back up stairs and the room had filled up, but it had filled up with blokes. Strange. Normally at a gig there is at least a hand full of girls, girl friends of band members, something, anything, but no, there was nothing and no one, except blokes. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Sleazy, dirty, a voyeur, no, those are all positive words to me, this was something else, there was a vibe, a vibe I wasn’t happy with. Like I was in a room full of rapist’s… Is that too strong?

I was so vexed by the vibe that I actually didn’t take any photos of The Courtesans. I did however film the last 35 minutes of their set… Once I’d pulled myself together.

As I stood watching The Courtesans crew going through last minute checks I thought HOLD ON! A crew? They have a crew? WTF!? Seriously they already have a crew. Have I completely missed something here?

I needn’t have worried about the vibe. The blokes in the audience that may/or may not, have thought that this was going to be some kind of perv fest were dealt with firmly - pun intended. While The Courtesans left me completely puzzled to be honest.

They, The Courtesans, were all over the place. Dislocated. Disjointed. They were neither one thing nor another. They were literally all over the shop (see what I did there… keep up…). Pop. Metal. Sleaze. Rock. Doom. Gloom. This band needs a broom… They need a right good tidy up. At one point they even stopped to do some weird S&M candle wax, chains thing, which simply didn’t work, it killed the gig stone cold.

Someone in the crowd heckled. MISTAKE! Sinead calmly and slowly answered, “Because we like it. We believe it. This is who we are and you can either join the ride, or fuck off…It’s up to you…”  I think that’s the moment I fell in love… Ha! Ha! Ha!

As I stood watching The Courtesans crew sort out a few technical issues the opening notes to Dirty Killer leapt from the PA and gave me my very own Tango moment. Not only did they play it note for note, but they actually managed to get the vibe right too.

After the gig I spoke to Sinead. I passed on my thoughts and observations. Am I the only bloke to tell them to keep their clothes on? Before I left we swopped contact details and I promised to stay in touch.

I left the gig scratching my head. I was beyond confused. There is obviously something going on here. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.   

It was a bit like being given a jigsaw but without the picture on the front of the box. Where do you start? Just tip it out? How many pieces? Find all the straight edges? Then all the red bits and then all the blue bits and then try to fit them all together without having any idea what the picture is supposed to be and I’m supposed to do all of that before the end of the gig. No pressure then…

As I drove home I was trying to listen to Wolfsbane and RUSH but I couldn’t, I couldn’t concentrate, I kept thinking back to what I’d just seen and heard. I couldn’t work it out, it didn’t make sense. It just didn’t make sense. Why can’t I figure it out? Why didn’t it make sense? Why can’t I just let it go? Why wasn’t there a picture on the box? How the hell am I supposed to put the pieces together when I don’t even know if they fit or not? I don’t even know how many pieces there were supposed to be.

GREAT SCOTT! That’s it. I’ve got it. I’ve figured it out… It’s this… It has to be this… It must be this… Surely it’s this… As I drove home along an empty and very dark M25 I hit 88 mph, the Flux Capacitor engaged and I travelled back in time to…

January 28^th 1991

“Westwood One presents Living Colour, Off the Record with Mary Turner…

Bought to you by Dodge Trucks and Marriott Hotels. Living Colour, Off the Record…

Biscuits Bold as Love, quite a title, but, they’re quite a band. Their debut album goes platinum, they open for The Rolling Stones, they’re innovative, involved, outspoken and they don’t sound or look like any other band, don’t even try to label them, you’ll embarrass yourself. We’ll just use their name, Living Biscuit…”

Am I really thinking that The Courtesans are a female Living Colour? That’s a bloody big expectation to place at the feet of a band I’ve only seen once and probably aren’t even into double figures when it comes to playing their own gigs yet. Great Scott indeed…

My apologies to Living Colour and The Courtesans…

Angels? Time travel?

Want to know a secret? Promise not to tell? Remember that Wolfsbane gig? I wasn’t even going to go, but something happened that day, something that when I look back to I think to myself, you know something, if I saw that in a film or read it in a book I simply wouldn't believe it… No, never mind, it doesn’t matter… it’s another story for another day.

EDIT.

As a footnote here are the songs that I filmed that night and before you ask, no I can’t remember what they played before I started filming.

I Was Made For Lovin’ You (KISS)

Scream (alternative mix)

Swallow (alternative mix)

Interlude

Dirty Killer (alternative mix)

Genius (alternative mix)

Glory Box (Portishead)

Encore

Venus In Furs (The Velvet Underground)

Thursday 07^th March 2013

The Courtesans, Mr Heart

Candy Bar, Soho, London

The events of the previous Saturday were still going around my head. During the week Sinead had sent me an E Mail telling me that the Candy Bar will only be £2 to get in and I was still in a state of confusion.

Was this a band that was being fronted up by a shed load of cash?

Was this a band that was basically Art Collage Students, a modern version of Roxy Music?

Was this a band that was just a band, that were doing something so new, fresh, different, original and I’d stumbled into them so early in their career that it was me and I was completely missing the point?

Either way, I was confused and intrigued, in equal measure and to be honest, I really couldn’t wait to see them again.

Do they really remind me of Living Colour? Not really, well not musically, well actually yes, but not in that way. I’m not making much sense am I? They sound nothing like Living Colour, it was just the fact that I couldn’t pin them down. Go and find “Vivid” and then tell me that there is no similarity.

I got to the Candy Bar nice and early and popped my head around the door. WTF! Everything was set up and ready to go. This just doesn’t make sense. How can they be set up already? There is something very not right going on here. To try and prove the point the singer (Sinead) uses ear monitors. Really, ear monitors, in a pub… SERIOUSLY? That’s not a negative criticism, just an observation to just how seriously they are taking whatever it is that they are trying to do. All I have to do now is figure out just what it is that they are trying to do. I might as well try and catch a rainbow in a jar.

Again I bumped into Sinead, I passed on the film footage from Saturday, we had a brief chat and I was off to the pub next door to watch Tottenham in the Europa Corporate Bullshit Trophy Cup thing.

By the time I’d gone back to the Candy Bar the place was filling up nicely. I was really looking forward to this. On Saturday I’d seen them play to a room full of blokes now it was going to be a room full of women.

As with last Saturday there was a very good support band, “Mr Heart”, an all girl three piece band. Very good and very tight.

By the time The Courtesans came on the room was heaving and was nice and sweaty. A quick glimpse at the set list showed that they had dropped the artistic interludes. Was it something I said? Who was I kidding? In the short time I’d spent chatting to Sinead they were never going to influenced by anything I had said. They were far too focused to do that.

Just before they walked on stage someone wanted to take a photo so I ducked out of the way, it was the last time I was to stand up. On walked the band and I spent the whole gig grouched at the feet of Saff. Is this how our relationship is going to continue with me kneeling at her feet…?

If I thought Saturday was good then tonight was much better. The vibe was better. The Courtesans oozed confidence. The audience lapped it up and before I knew it, it was over.

This time I knew what to expect, it gave me a chance to listen as well as watch and even though I was grouched at the feet of Mistress Saffire the sound was still very good and nice and loud and I was impressed. They still took their clothes off but it was toned down and at least the other distractions were left out. Personally I felt it was a good thing.

I’m going to need a bigger pigeon hole.

Strangely enough the next night I went to see Living Colour play at the Koko. They played the whole of Vivid. I was right.

Friday 22^nd March 2013

The Courtesans, Minor Pilot, Karma Junction

The Green Room, Welwyn Garden City

Three Courtesans gigs in less than a month but actually this month so far I’ve seen, The Courtesans x 3, Living Colour x 1, Status Quo x 1, Chas N’ Dave x 1, The Stranglers x 3, British Lion x 1, not forgetting all the support bands and few pub bands that I’d seen down my local while having a beer or two.

It is a bit weird to see the name The Courtesans next to the bands that I’ve mentioned because the other bands have meant so much to me over the years. I wonder what memories The Courtesans are going to leave me with.

After a spectacularly bad day at work I had a choice, go to Cambridge to see The Stranglers or go to Welwyn Garden City to see The Courtesans.

I found myself in the position of now being familiar with the band and their sound and their image all of which was slowly changing.

The support bands were good but frankly they just got in the way and I wanted them to just get on and then get off.

The room was a happy mix of male and female, some were there because they were just on the piss some had turned up to see the band, so here was another test for the band.

At one point Sinead said, “We like the ladies...” I just stood there and watched the guys try and work out if she was being serious. Should they be excited or just crumble? HA! HA! HA! Brilliant stuff.

The band were dressed more conservatively. The weird thing about being nude and being clothed is the complete contradiction that comes with the situation. Being nude isn’t a sexual attractor. The nude human body is exactly what it is, a machine, fuel goes in at one end waste products are expelled at the other. It is clothing that sexualises the human form. I’m not going to try to offer you an explanation, you can stop the internal dialogue, I’m correct, just deal with it.

So there I was saying, stop taking your clothes off, keep them on and when they do, I suddenly find them attractive. I felt a fraud.

It was time for The Courtesans to step up to the plate and didn’t they just. No messing about. They arrived. They got on. They played a blinder. They got off and so did we. I’m not sure if it was me, but the songs seemed slightly more polished, in fact the band seemed slightly more polished, I guess that also comes from not stopping the gig to mess about with interludes.

Before I disappeared into a night time blizzard and my own personal photo shoot at Walsall FC the following morning, I saw the band posing on stage to have their photo taken with fans. It all looked very awkward to be honest.

 

Saturday 16^th August 2014

The Courtesans, Needle Poppets

The Attic, Tamworth

Seventeen months? Has it really been seventeen months since I last saw The Courtesans? Today was also the start of the football season so off to Walsall v Bradford City before popping over to Tamworth to see The Courtesans play The Attic, so in theory today was going to be an interesting day, opening game of the season and Sinead playing her home town gig.

I’d forgotten just how boring Tamworth is, nothing against Tamworth it’s just like every other town in England, I’d made the mistake of watching Walsall beat Bradford 0-0 before arriving in Tamworth before everywhere else was open after the rest had shut for the day.

After a bit of site seeing I went to the Robert Peel to sample Wolfsbane Ale. SOLD OUT! You bunch of Tamworth piss heads you.

Can you believe that they let me in to The Attic still wearing my football shirt? Maybe those lovely people of Tamworth have dragged themselves out of the middle ages. Lovely place Tamworth, have I ever mentioned how fantastic it is… hole… dig… jump… repeat…

I don’t know where they find their support bands but they have pulled another iron out the fire, “Needle Poppets”, well worth checking out.

I bumped into a few faces that I haven’t seen for years… HOWLING MAD SHITHEADS!!! Um… I wonder if The Courtesans are going to be on a Manhunt? Oh God did I mention my injury… and how I can’t move very quickly… go without me… I’ll sacrifice myself… I’ll take one for team… I’ll take more than one for the team if necessary… Ladies form an orderly queue there’s plenty to go around…

WHAT!?

The band were there but were pretty invisible tonight, home town gigs you’ve got to love them. This was going to be interesting. Home town gigs fall into two camps family and friends v haters. Let the haters hate, let them have their moment, it’s probably the only time they are allowed out by themselves. They don’t see the world like the rest of us. Like idiot strings on a pair of children’s mittens, if you look closely enough you’ll see a piece of string attaching them to their own front door… FUCKING RETARDS!!!

Just for a change I ended up standing stage left, at the feet of Mistress Saffire… basically leaning against the PA.

I don’t remember that. Has it been remixed? As I stood watching and listening to the band there were one or two songs that I recognised but they sounded different in some way. Was it because I hadn’t seen them play live in seventeen months?

In the time we had been apart had the band changed? No, I think it was more important than that, they had evolved.

The vibe was positive. The Crowd was positive. There were a few photographers down the front. The band played a blinder. It would have been very easy for Sinead to bottle it, to hold back, she looked them straight in the eye and gave them both barrels.

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM!? I was standing against the PA... I literally took a step backwards. The volume of noise that slammed out of the PA simply knocked me backwards. I don’t remember this, I thought to myself. I really have no memory of this at all. I looked at the PA, I looked at the band. Was what was coming out of the PA being played by the band? I looked again. It was. And whatever it was it was stunning. I’m not fully qualified when it comes to human evolution but I think I might just have found the missing link.

As soon as the gig finished I grabbed the set list, “Liberate”. Well whoever wrote that must have been having a Toffee Crisp… or two…

I popped over to the merch and grabbed a copy of the CD. Was Liberate on it? It was. ZOINK! That’s probably the best £10 I’ve spent all year.

I left the building and rushed a cross the street to the car park, I jumped in the car, slide the CD into the player and skipped forward to Liberate. I was like some crazed junkie. I just had to hear it again. Was it really that good? THREE plays later and everyone else in the car park thinks I’m a nutter.

I played the CD three to four times on the way home that night and what about that bass line at the start of “Hard Man To Kill”, it’s just like having someone sneak up on you while carrying a double bass. Every time it came on I looked in my mirrors fully expecting to see someone sneaking up on me in a 1950’s black and white film comedy type way while about to whack me with a massive comedy hammer. Either that or Inspector Clouseau… “A BEUMB!!” No it is a CD you fool…

When I heard Blood Money and those three notes at 0.32 I almost crashed the car. Three simple notes and I promise you I almost crashed the car, it was another one of those Tango moments. Still, it would make for an interesting insurance claim form wouldn’t it. Still not as strange as my mate whose car was wrecked by a boat, on the M6 services at Stafford. True story, honest.

Strange, they never mentioned they were a Death Metal band from Scandinavia. What the hell is that supposed to read? No seriously. What the hell is going on there? I can see that “The” reads “The” but what the hell is the other bit supposed to read? Now I know it is supposed to read “Courtesans” but it doesn’t. NO IT DOESN’T!!! The more I look at it the more it doesn’t look like “The Courtesans”.

I know it is all about personal taste and I do understand that and frankly, who the hell am I to point the finger at anyone or anything, but really, image is everything and if this is the image, the logo, that is going to go around the world, then expect nothing but confusion.

Still not convinced? Try this. I’m going to offer you some brand names to read. What image comes into your head when you read the words, ADIDAS… PUMA… Nike...  Three strips, a leaping Puma, a whoosh.

Still not convinced? Try this. I’m going to offer you some band names to read. Try to think of those bands and NOT have their logo come into your head, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Metallica.

Still not convinced? Can you imagine the above products or bands not having such a strong imagine identity?  

All I’m saying is The Courtesans logo confuses the hell out of me and yes I’ll happily accept that I’m an idiot, but the world is full of idiots. Why confuse us any more than we need be…  Spoon feed me please. Thank you.

To be continued…

Noggin xx