2012 London Olympics. Epilogue

2012 London Olympics. Epilogue

Wednesday 15^th August 2012

Afternoon people.

Re these posts/blogs things…

May I take this opportunity to say thank you to all the people who sent me positive feedback whether it be via E Mails, texts or phone calls and a special set of thanks to all the people had the balls to start their E Mails with, “You don’t know me but…”.

You’ve seen the photos, you know what I look like, if you see me around and about RUN! HA! HA! HA! Come up and say hello. Beers are on me… erm… no forget that the beers are on you…

Before I finally bid you all farewell. I hope I haven’t wasted too much of your time (well you didn’t have to read them… who’s the fool?). I hope my words have made you smile.

Here is a small visit around my head.

Slippery things these dreams. Sometimes the tighter you try to hold them the easier they escape your grasp. You have to hold them gently. Caress them. Love them. For all of the faults and problems that they bring your way. They are your dreams and sometimes it is only you that can understand and believe in them.

In the seven years since London was awarded the 2012 Olympics there were times when I’ve lost sight of the dream. There were times when I wondered was it all worth it. Were the sacrifices worth it? The times I’ve cried like a school girl. The times “I’ve poured my brain into a can”… Chemical supports that got me through those long times of self-loathing for all the people I’m hurting and took me to the bring brink of addiction.

Moving 200 miles further away from my daughter. Football, season tickets handed back. Football in general, walked away from and THOSE cup games and relegation battles that I could now only read about in the press.  Concerts that now happened without me being there. Relationships that I calmly and very coldly walked away from – I’m truly sorry for the heart ache – I just had to be somewhere else – I’m sorry.

That first Christmas when it was just me. In an empty flat. When I thought I’d completely stuffed it up. When I had literally only pennies in my bank account. When I ended up in Waltham Abbey on Boxing Day with a fading dream and a Maiden shirt, literally just me in an empty Abbey, a pilgrim, a lost traveller, searching for the path, for sanctuary – no pun intended - someone with a faith, a quest, a light to follow, chasing that bright star in the sky.  

Does this make sense? I’ve kind of felt like the NASA space probe “Voyager” that was launched in 1977 to have a close look at Jupiter and Saturn before moving off into… whatever she finds in her path. Somewhere in the far away void of the dark sky was a little pin prick of light. Brightly shining. Calling. Calling. Calling. A distance that’s so great that even after years of travelling the brightly shining light seemed to be no closer. Then still no closer and then STILL no closer, until one day there is a shape, a form, something other than a pin prick of light. Then slowly, slowly that shape and form becomes more detailed and then before you know it… WHOOSH!... FFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!! And the whole purpose of the journey screams, thunders by, so quickly, that you are left spun around facing the wrong way to the direction of your travel as the object you went to look at is already starting to fade away. Into time. Into space. Growing ever distant but still brightly shining…

To all the people that I let down so badly. I’m sorry. It was my dream. I hope that one day you understand. I hope that one day you too have a dream and I can pay back some of the debt I owe you. When you need me just shout. 

Can someone please stop the tears.

Is this my penance?

Farewell and may your God go with you.

Peace and Love

Peace and Love

http://youtu.be/3GM9Xvsr-9s

Noggin xx

2012 London Olympics. Day Eighteen

2012 London Olympics. Day Eighteen

Tuesday 14^th August 2012

Afternoon people.

So here it is, the penultimate post/blog whatever these things are called.

Back to work and if I'm allowed to steal a quote from Chris Dale I keep bursting into tears (go look and read this http://www.metaltalk.net/columns/20100823.php ). Is it the release? The humility of the Olympians? I guess there are many reasons, but the fact of the matter is I keep bursting into tears and I feel really silly for doing so.

I was given Enfield. Ironically across the street from where Anna's Great Gran lived and raised a family so it's also where her Grand Dad grew up, "Small world, wouldn't want to paint..." (Steven Wright lives on...). I saw my first gold post box outside Enfield train station http://www.goldpostboxes.com/

Let me bring this crashing to an end or else I'll be here forever.

I would like to dedicate my Olympic adventure to all the people I met along the way who said "Couldn't", "Shouldn't", "Wouldn't" and "Won't"... Well, FUCK YOU! Fuck you all. Every time you opened your fat fucking mouth. Every time you offered me your negative, bigoted opinions, every time "you" told "me" what "I", "Couldn't", "Shouldn't", "Wouldn't" and "Won't"... do, it drove me on.

You know something? Actually, let me change my point of view, let me thank you. Thank you, because you helped me get further away from you and what you stand for. What you and what you stand for I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. You helped me fulfil my dreams. Frankly I still hope you die. I hope every step I took has crushed you slowly under every step of my heel and leaves you grasping for life in the polluted earth that you slithered from. Die you fuckers. Die a slow miserable fucking death. Just fucking die.

WHAT!?

And... Did you really think I would end this on a negative? You really thought I would end this with them having my last thoughts and words? Oh how little you learnt over the last two weeks or so. Here is a You Tube link to last piece of music I sent to Anna on the day the 2012 London Olympics started. Seven years is not a sprint, it’s a marathon... see what I did there... hahaha...

http://youtu.be/MUcdRLn3bgM
Studio version with lyrics

http://youtu.be/rP58U_R3gK0
Live at the NEC 1988 and I was there and if you know where to look... I'm the one just... "There"... no, not there... "THERE"...

Just for the record. When I sent this to Anna on that Friday, yes it was planned, from the moment I had the first idea of sending Anna one piece of music every week, Rush, Marathon was always going to be THE song (Maiden, Loneliness of The Long Distance Runner was a close second... hahaha...).

Now stop reading all of this rubbish and go and listen to Maiden, Rush, Tchaikovsky and Wolfsbane, your life will be better for it.

Noggin xx

2012 London Olympics. Day Seventeen

2012 London Olympics. Day Seventeen

Monday 13^th August 2012

Evening people.

Thank you and good night. Well that’s it. It was/is over.
 

It was now just the task of getting Anna home and myself back to work. So it was an alarm clock call of 4am with a 5.30am leave. I watched an amazing sunrise as we drove up the Motorway. Anna slept all the way. At 9am it was time for a Burger King breakfast. 

Once we had arrived, it was lots of hugs for Anna and her mum and lots of cups of tea for me. Let the downloading of photos begin... 6 hours later... One or two issues evolved and I suddenly realised that I couldn't get back home in time to get to work for my 3am start. A quick phone call to the transport office and I was bumped along to 1pm.

Once the issues were sorted, someone came up with the idea to have a walk down the river and the castle. It was a nice and peaceful way to end our two week adventure. It couldn't have been more different to what we had just been doing. As we walked down to the river, we bumped into a 2012 Volunteer. We just fell about laughing. 350 miles from London and we bump into a volunteer.
 

As the time for leaving grew closer the adventure slowly and surely came a stop. No dramas. No big bangs. No fireworks. It kind of just crept up on us. A massive anti-climax. And that’s it? This is how it ends? I hadn't thought about the end. I'd never given it a second thought. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this.

Saying goodbye to Anna hurt. Really hurt.
 

Fuel up the car and I'm south bound. Then it happened. WTF? A few miles later and it happens again. Was that lightning? It was too. It lit up the far horizon. COME ON! I got further south as the storm moved further north. As we approached the brilliant white lightning went a weird bright lime green colour that didn't just light up the sky it lit up the road and surrounding landscape. For about 10 minutes it was like being in a scene from War of The Worlds as green flash after green flash lit up the sky like summer lightning, cause, erm... that’s what it was... D'oh... 

Eventually, no thanks to the M6 and M5 and A34 being closed I got home at 2am. Two quick cups of tea and I staggered off to bed.

I guess an end is an end, but this wasn't the end I was expecting. I felt cheated.

To be continued...?

Noggin xx

2012 London Olympics. Day Sixteen

2012 London Olympics. Day Sixteen

Sunday 12^th August 2012

Evening people
 

So, here it was. Our last day. The last day. The Men's Marathon. The final event of the Olympics, as it has always been and could it be more apt an event. It has been a long seven years since London had been awarded the 2012 Olympics. "It’s not how fast you can go...".
 

We had an early start because we wanted to get to Trafalgar Square to watch the first two laps of the Marathon. We got ourselves a place on the base of Nelson's Column. Unfortunately we ended up next to some East End wide boys and their over caked in makeup and as thick as the makeup that they were badly wearing wives. Who firstly insisted on not knowing where the Marathon was going, as if the 10 deep people lining the road and thus the route weren't a clue and secondly they insisted, while at the bottom of Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square, that the bloke at the top of Nelson's Column wasn’t Nelson and the images around the base of the column in TRAFALGAR square were images from the battle of "WATERLOO". God give me strength...
 

Anyway, the Marathon went by, twice, lots of heads bobbing up and down and just how much noise did the crowds make. We then went up to Tower Hill to see the runners at the loop. It was chaos. Total chaos. The Danes were still there. Go home already. Still we got a balloon each.
 

We had two Wenlock walks left and we set off to Regents Park. It was stupidly hot. It’s not until you walk around Regents Park that you realise just how big it is. Lots of bird watching before going back into Leicester Square for food. Anna spent 30 minutes playing in the new water feature.
 

We went to Liverpool Street Station for the last Wenlock walk via St Pancras Station and the London 2012 shop. It looked like a shop at the end of the Xmas sales, it had been ravaged. There was very little to buy and what was there wasn't worth buying or their asking price either. We did get a chance to look at the Closing Ceremony programme so we got to see who would be performing later on that night.

We finished our Wenlock walk. We had completed something that we had set out to do.
 

We made our way back home and while packing and trying to catch up with this I also tried to watch the Closing Ceremony.


Today had been a weird day. It had a strange vibe to it. It was almost a non-event day. Here was that Mary Poppins vibe again...

Noggin xx 

2012 London Olympics. Day Fifteen

2012 London Olympics. Day Fifteen

Saturday 11^th August 2012

Evening people.

Again, more apologies for the late arrival of this E Mail.
 
As I type it is 14th August, actually its just past midnight so it’s now the 15th... Anyway, let me get on with it. Those 72 got get extended by some weird time travel thing that I don't really fully understand.

Today was another one of those days set aside for other stuff and things. The stuff and things that we usually get up to when Anna is down here. Combine that with the effect of THAT Saturday and any chance of getting any more tickets simply wasn't worth the effort trying to get them, let the bandwagon jumpers have their moment, so, the normal trashing of London by us it was. We decide, well Anna decide that we should continue to do the Wenlock hunt. 

I have to say that London and other cities for that matter should do more of this. It really is a lot of fun. Now you would think that trying to spot a six foot tall brightly painted London Olympic Mascot would be easy. Very easy. Well you are wrong. Very wrong and that’s the point, it doesn't just get you "looking" it gets you "seeing".
 

We did two of the walks, leaving two to finish the set. You will not believe how many people were doing the same thing. You will not believe how many people had the same story as us. We all talked of the Olympics and the lack of hassle. Just how good the volunteers had been. The armed forces and all of their good work. Rio 2016. That Saturday how it had affected family, friends, tickets, we talked of stories we had seen on TV or heard on the radio or seen in the press. How the printed press especially had changed their tune, they had spent months predicting doom and gloom and now, NOW, they had performed a U Turn that would make any Government Minister proud.
 

Here is another effect from the 2012 London Olympics. People were being nice to each other. Smiling. Looking each other in the eye. Nodding. Being polite. Friendly. Helpful. I never thought I'd see the day... It’s as if someone went through London the night before the Olympics and got rid of all the miserable bastards that clutter up London and make it a piss awful place to be. More of this please and thank you very much for their disappearance. I know this doesn't make much sense, or maybe it does, but it was literally like someone had rounded them all up and locked them away. There were times that parts of London looked and felt like a scene from Glee. I kept expecting people to break out into random acts of singing and dancing. They didn't. Part of me was grateful and part of me was sad and disappointed. It’s the ex-choirboy in me, still, it could be worse, it could be me in the choirboy... *cough cough... moving on...*
 

As we travelled across London on the tube to Covent Garden a women looked over to Anna and Myself and said, "You were at the football the other night". "Uh?" replied me, "Us?" I continued and I started to grasp at my fading memory, "Which day?" I asked, "Thursday, I was stood behind you on Olympic Way as we queued for the train"... she answered. WTF!? Really? What are the odds? There was a crowd of 80,203 at that game and we stand on a tube next to women who was stood behind us on Olympic Way... The magic of 2012 strikes again.
 

That reminds me. Last week, we dived on the tube at Liverpool Street and made our way to Tower Hill and we ended up standing in an empty carriage with two other people, both Canadians. One was a female and one was a male. The male was wearing an Olympic pass. We just acted like normal everyday people. Just interacting with each other. Small talk. Making sure we were all going to the correct station. Once I got home I Googled him (because I hadn't got a clue who he was) his name was/is Andrew Brynes. He had just won a Silver medal in the rowing (he got gold in 2008). Now what I need you to do is name one English football player that would use the tube. No really. In your own speed. This is what separates the Olympics from football and other sports for that matter.
 

Right. I need sleep. More to follow.

Noggin xx

2012 London Olympics. Day Fourteen

2012 London Olympics. Day Fourteen

Friday 10^th August 2012

Evening people.

It is the evening of Sunday 12th August 2012, I'm watching the closing ceremony with Anna and I'm still buzzing my tits off.

Apologies for falling behind with this but as I wrote yesterday, we are coming to the end of the manic 72 hours for us both.

When I woke yesterday I put the TV on ad I saw the Dutch bloke on the High Bar, only then did I understand why there were so many happy Dutch people around last night. Just how good was that performance? Bloody hell fire.

Did I see that? Did I imagine that? BMX at the Olympics? REALLY? BMX at the Olympics... Did I miss a meeting? What next, "Skateboarding"? "Hanging out on street corners"? "Wearing a hoodie"? "I'm 14 years old and I want to be sulky bastard..."? That would inspire a generation of our lost youth...
 

Anyway, today was always going to be another free day unless we got tickets for any other events, but after THAT Saturday I've had more chance of flying to The Moon than getting any other tickets. There were many things that I had lined up for our days off. Today Anna choose "Royal River" at The Maritime Museum in Greenwich. So off to Greenwich we went via Tower Hill and the Danes who are STILL asking people to come and join them. I'm STILL floored. It continues to bring shame on English professional footballers and the game in general. Remember a few posts back when I mentioned taking your daughter to the Olympics is like taking a puppy to the park? Nice one Anna.
 

So, the Royal River. I only mentioned it so that Anna could say that she had seen that Canaletto painting. 90 minutes later. Really. Just how long does it take to look a painting? Really... we were in there for 90 MINUTES! 90 MINUTES... STUNNING! It suddenly struck me that, that painting would have been the HD 3D TV of its day.
 

On the way home, while we were on the DLR going through the Isle of Dogs we struck up conversation with one of The Volunteers. He was working at Greenwich for the whole six weeks or so. We had such a great yak to each other. We both said how much of a success it had all been. Traffic? What traffic? Problems? What problems? While chatting we both said at the same time "What did you do during The Olympics"... and we both agreed that this, this is our moment, this was/is OUR generations chance to shine. We weren't around 70 years ago. We didn't beat the Nazi's. 

We didn't fight in some huge romantic over glorified conflict, but this, THIS, was our moment. Black, Brown, White, Young and Older, all of those generations that had grown up after WWII, this was our moment. It was our time. WE were there and we were part of it. Before we got off the DLR that Volunteer (name known but spelling not) gave Anna a very limited edition badge from the German Equestrian Team. It was such a simple and yet powerful gesture.
 

We decided that we should do at least one of the Wenlock walks before going home, so we did. We bumped into a woman who was doing the same as me and Anna. Not just the walks but the Olympics. She was with her son. Sometime later we bumped into them again. This time we spent about 30 to 40 minutes chatting as our kids ran around telling anyone passing about the Olympics and the Wenlock Walks. She said, that she was so impressed with the attitude of the Olympics and the people taking part that she was already thinking of doing Rio in 2016... Up runs Anna, were going ain't we Dad...
 

Eventually back at Tottenham Hale and waiting for our/the last train home some of the staff that had left The Olympic Park filled up the station and joined us in our wait for the last train. In the middle of this was a group of about four maybe five from the badge traders, one of their group took one look at Anna and her bag (which is covered in badges) and gave her two even more limited edition Wenlock badges on their backing cards. Anna looked them in the eye and said thank you and I was left even more floored. She could have kept those badges. She could have put them on eBay (isn't that the done thing nowadays... money... money... money... come back Mrs Thatcher all is forgiven... go sniff yourselves...) but no. She choose to give them to my daughter. I was there. I saw that person’s reaction when that person saw Anna's bag, it was an act of instinct... It is that simple.
 

God. There is so much more to tell. I don't really know where to start or where I would even begin to draw it all to an end.

Before I go. I'm going to try to catch up with this tomorrow and apologies for cock up yesterday but my laptop crashed.

Noggin xx

2012 London Olympics. Day Thirteen

2012 London Olympics. Day Thirteen

Thursday 09^th August 2012

Evening people.

We are very quickly coming to the end of a bonkers 72 hours. This is going to get very complicated very quickly, so heads up.

1984 Olympics

Someone has downloaded a BBC Sport Music Montage from the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. This is what the BBC does best. For me the image I remember most is that under water shot as the diver hit the surface as the word “Gold” came back into the mix…WOW! Someone somewhere should put these on a DVD.

In 1984 I stayed up all night to watch the Olympic Closing Ceremony, which finished somewhere close to 6 or 7 in the morning I then went off to play football, my body was young, fit and made of magic and it would let me do things like that. Sunday morning football is Sunday morning football and it will never change, except for a few weeks later when it did.

We played football on the Sunday and then, on the Monday, the school football team who were playing away that afternoon, were involved in an accident. Their mini bus was hit by a HGV Class 1 (big truck). One teacher killed, four young boys killed, all at the scene. The rest of them team were in Intensive Care Units.

Lads I played football with on the Sunday were suddenly not there by the Monday. I never did read the newspapers or watch the TV News and I tried to avoid all the “GOSSIP”.

Whenever I hear Spandau Ballet, Gold, I always think of that Olympic Montage and those lads and then I cry like a big girlie pants.

On a more positive note. I love watching those montages, they always fill me up. When you watch the montage see how many faces you put names to. I’ve made a start.

Carl Lewis, Daily Thompson (outrageous whistling to the National Anthem too…), Ed Moses, Tessa Sanderson, Redgrave and Co, Koji Gushiken, Seb Coe, Steve Ovett, David Moorcroft, Neil Adams, Mary Decker (am I the only who laughed when she fell?), Greg Louganis, Jürgen Hingsen, Steve Cram, Siad Aouita...

I wonder what they are all doing now…

Here is the You Tube link http://youtu.be/eOW79HVqhCc

R.I.P.

So, it was a late start for us. We get off at Tower Hill and the Danes are still there, handing out chocolates and balloons and inviting anyone and everyone to come and spend time with them at SKD. I'm humbled.
 

We popped into "All Hallows by The Tower" http://www.allhallowsbythetower.org.uk/history/ also check out Royston Cave http://www.roystoncave.co.uk/ Anna was gobsmacked. Anyone who knows their De Vinci Code knows why these places are important. We were talking the guys that run the place and I said how funny it was that everyone was outside taking photos of The Tower of London and The Bridge and how they were all looking the wrong way.

We had a quick trip to Heathrow Terminal 5 for the last of the giant rings. It took us FOUR tube trains to get there and it nearly cost us. We nearly didn't make the football.

Once we had eventually got to Wembley Park, we had a quick trip to the shop before walking up Olympic Way for one final time. Come back the lesbians all is forgiven. The place was full of Yanks who basically were being typical Yanks and just getting in the way. All the normal rules that you do at a game of footy went straight out the window. At least all those fat lesbians know how it works.
 

Anyway, once inside, there were loads of fans of loads of teams, well, mostly British people, but there were thousands of Americans, Japanese and Canadians. We decided that we were going to support Japan. "Nippon... Nippon... Nippon..." Also, the Japanese fans knew how to chant, not just that "U...S...A..." stuff, but proper football chants.

The game was a cracker. American deserved to win. Japan had their 20 to 25 mins of dominance but did everything but score, including hitting the bar twice... 45 mins flew by as did the second 45 mins which is always the sign of a good game of football.

At half time I took Anna to look at the view from the top of Wembley and what a view it is. We also saw people watching the athletics on TVs instead of watching the football and what was with all of those people having fish and chips and then taking them back to the seats... Who are these people? Who the fuck has fish and chips at a football match and then takes them back to their seats to eat and watch football? It wasn't just fish and chips either, it was pizza, 12 inch hot dogs (and yes ladies I mean 12 inches...). I can't even blame the Americans either, I don't know who they were. No colours, nothing. Come back the lesbians all is forgiven... what would they want with something 12 inches long...?
 

The attendance was 80,203 WOW!

As soon as the game finished someone somewhere decided to play Spandau Ballet, Gold. I had a moment to myself. Good job Anna was there as I'm sure I'd have lost it.

We stayed to watch the medals and the flags get raised. All the football fans reading this will be very pleased to know that when Sepp Blatter's name was announced he got booed (how do you spell that? Is that correct?) Erm... anyway, he got booed so loudly... who needs lesbians...?
 

It took so long to clear Olympic Way after the game we almost didn't get home. In all the years I've been going to Wembley I've never known it that bad.

As we waited at Tottenham Hale we saw loads of happy Dutch fans. At the time I didn't know why.

We staggered home somewhere close to 01.30

Noggin xx

2012 London Olympics. Day Twelve

2012 London Olympics. Day Twelve

Wednesday 08^th August 2012

Evening people

We woke late this morning so all of our plans went straight out the window.

Originally we were going to do the "Wenlock & Mandeville" hunt which does exactly what it says on the tin. It is very similar to the "Egg Hunt" that we did at Easter and the "Elephant Hunt"... Google it... 

A quick re-think and we were off into London for Taekwondo at the Excel and another goodbye to another Olympic venue. It was stupidly hot, when the sun came out, when the sun wasn't out it was simply sticky. There was a strange vibe around the place. Maybe it wasn't just us, maybe everyone else was starting to realise that it was all coming to an end. We'd been to the Excel Arena so often that some of the staff recognised us and came up and said hello, which even thought it was very nice (and the phone numbers will be used... easy ladies easy...) it was a little strange. 

We get to Excel by going via Tower Hill. The thing about Tower Hill and I have forgot to mention this, but when you come out of the station there is a lovely lady from Denmark and the Danish Olympic party, who stands there handing out Danish chocolate in the shape of a heart in bright red shiny foil, basically saying, come and enjoy our hospitality, come and have a drink with us, come and eat with us... Now obviously this is all part of a cultural event, come and spend money, come and invest money, etc... but the point is we are still being invited to spend time with them and I have to say that the whole experience is so refreshing. Football is my thing as you know and all you get of those over paid footballers is stay away... STAY AWAY!
 

As for Taekwondo. Um... Anna didn't get it. I sort of got it. They spend too much time trying not to be hit instead of hitting the other person. It was just like watching football hooligans trying to have it away with other but without the hassle of football getting in the way. I got the impression that if someone walked over to them and had a right proper good go at them they would either run away or breakdown into tears. Also I'd get rid of the padding too. It’s like cricket. Cricket would be a much better sport if they took the padding away because you would have to hit the ball or be hit by it. Just hit the bloody ball. Its bright fucking red. Just how difficult can it be? JUST HIT IT! Same for Taekwondo. Just walk over and hit them. It’s like boxing. It’s just you and them, you have a choice hit or be hit... GET ON WITH IT! Excel is just up the road from Millwall, we should have got some of them to come over and sort them out...
 

Still, we did see the Olympic and World Champions so that was pretty groovy. If they were that good, why do they need the padding...? POOFTA'S
 

After the event we went for a walk into the press area. Security? What security? (See photo for proof).
  

Once outside we went for a walk around the arena and looked around the docks at the massive yachts and ships and old warehouses while watching the planes take off from London City Airport, before going over that bridge. The sun was literally setting on our Olympic adventure.
 

Before long we were at the play park opposite The Tower of London. I know I've mentioned this before, but it is such a strange place to find a kids play park. We left the arena at 6pm and we got home very close to 11pm. Time flies when you’re having fun...
 

Before I forget. As I mentioned a few paragraphs up. Football is my thing but since doing the Olympics over the last two weeks, I've have been completely floored by the complete lack of ego. So many of the people who are taking place in the Olympics are just walking around and even better still using public transport. Now, I don't know where you are when you read this and I don't know if these stories are making the news where you live, but so many of the "stars" are using the tube and last night was no exception. The USA Basketball Team got on the tube and tubed it back into London at the end of the day’s events. The attitude of these "stars" are turning me away from the overpaid and over rated footballers. Long may it continue.

Noggin xx