The Courtesans and The Voyeur
Part V
12. The Water
Rats, London, 22th April 2017
Saturday 22th April 2017
The Raging Whoremoans, Cherry
The Water Rats, London
Someone once said that if you want to tell a story you start
at the beginning and end at the finish while everything else goes in the
middle. That’s all good and well, but what happens if you don’t actually know
where the start is?
For three days I’ve stared blankly at a computer generated
blank page on my porn machine, not only, not knowing where to start, but not to
convinced that there is actually a start to this story. Confused? Frustrated? Bored?
Yeah and me.
On the 23rd March 2017 I travelled back in time
to the 80s (See what I did there…?) I received an E Mail from The Courtesans
informing me about a secret gig in London under the name of “The Raging
Whoremoans”, not only did I laugh like a drain, but I got instantly transported
straight back to the 80s when bands played secret gigs before Donington or at
the start of a world tour.
Me, Mark and Nick spent a whole twenty minutes on the Maiden forum trying to work out why
(and in the world of Iron Maiden, twenty minutes is half way through side one
of TBOS, still, it was better than listening to it.. WHAT!?). Why a secret gig?
Why then E Mail everyone? Why post it on Facefuck? Why go on stage at 10.30pm? It
didn’t make sense. None of it made sense.
Eventually Saturday 22nd rolled around and a
bright blue sunny day it was too.
Not only did Saturday bring us a bright blue sunny day it
also bought us the FA Cup Semi Final (been there done that) it also bought us
Dr Who (been there done that) the start of the last leg of the Iron Maiden
world tour (been there done that) and Record Store Day (been there done that).
Ahh yes, Record Store Day, money making elitist bullshit,
very cleverly disguised to help people believe that getting up at 4am to go to a shop that they have to Google because they’ve never been there before, to join
a queue, to buy a 7 inch single for £10, which the said shop only has one copy
of because you can’t order more than one copy of it in advance, is actually
what being a vinyl junkie is all about.
Which reminds me, I have some magic beans for sale if anyone
out there is interested…
To my great shame and embarrassment it wasn’t until Saturday
afternoon that I finally got the joke. “The Raging Whoremoans” were, “Genie
Arse”, “Lola Bye”, “Gin Dough” and “Phil The Shame”… BRILLIANT! Truly brilliant.
It really was like the 80s when bands played under assumed
names for example, Wilsonz = Wolfsbane, Damage Inc. = Metallica, Pimple Cream =
Iron Maiden… WHAT!?
So after a nice calm peaceful afternoon of watching the FA
Cup Semi Final and then Dr Who do battle with Emoji’s, (he should try doing
battle with Ticketbastard never mind evil killer robots) I took a slow peaceful
drive down to Cockfosters, where I parked the car before getting the tube into
London.
Hey look, the ticket machine isn’t working. Deep joy.
How cold? The cold, damp, London night air didn’t so much cut
through me, it enveloped me, it was like being wrapped up in a cold wet
blanket, I gasped for breath and gave serious thought to getting a taxi, maybe
shorts and an England/Walsall T Shirt really was a mistake. It was 21.15 when I
staggered out of Kings Cross and by 21.20 I was outside The Water Rats taking
the now usual photo.
The Water Rats has a long musical history and was one of the venues during the Punk explosion and
if I remember correctly, The Stranglers had an album launch party there one
year. From a personal point of view, I’d
seen Blaze there a few years ago and to be honest, I wasn’t that impressed with
the place.
“SOLD OUT” read the sign on the door to the back room, which
was rammed with people laughing at a young comedian taking part in some comedy
club type thing. I grabbed a member of staff and asked if I was in the right
place. Was I going to “do a Mick” who went all the way to Japan to see Maiden
and missed them because he turned up late… True story. Honest…
Turns out I was in the right place, the comedy club type
thing was running late by 30 minutes and I was lead to believe that the band
would be on stage by 23.00, well that explains why the band were going on stage
so late.
Unable to think of anything better to do than have a beer, I
had a lager shandy, proper Rock N’ Roll me. Let the people watching begin. The
room slowly filled with people I presumed were going to see The Courtesans as
well as people who had booked tables and were already eating.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw half a dozen lads rock up,
they clocked my trainers, gestured towards me and I acknowledged them back, none
of them were under the age of 60 and you’d think that they would know better by
their age. Still they made me smile and the last time I saw them was at the
back of the venue drinking whiskey while dad dancing to the band.
Eventually the comedy club type thing ended and everyone
poured into the front of the pub. Let the collision of cultures begin. It was
like watching two tidal waters, spinning, twisting, moving, dancing,
desperately trying to move passed each other.
There’s some daft bint dressed as Minnie Mouse over there I
thought to myself, nice one. The six foot Minnie Mouse spoke to friends and
made her way around the room and towards where I was standing. EEK! I thought to myself. (See
what I did there?). Eventually I realised that Minnie was heading towards me
and I promise you I thought she was going smack me in the chops. It wasn’t
until she was about two feet away from me that I realised it was Agnes, she
pounced on me and gave me a massive hug,
What are you wearing I asked during the hug, I tried to find
the maddest thing to wear on stage she answered. Would you like your award now or at
the end of the night I thought to myself.
By 23.00 we were in the back room, last minute sound
checking done. Band members were moving chairs and stacking them at the back of
room. Like a well oiled machine everyone just got on with getting on with
it.
I know I mention this every time but I really don’t know
where they get their support bands/artists from but they pulled another one out
of the bag. A young female singer song writer by the name of “Cherry” delivered
15 to 20 minutes of pure talent. First person to say Tracy Chapman gets a
kickin’. (You won’t believe this but Tracy Chapman has just come on the radio
“Talkin’ Bout A Revolution”). True story. Honest.
For the last hour or so, I’d seen the band from a distance
or had spoken to them individually and they looked terrified, really nervous,
you would have sworn it was their first time on stage and so it continued. Saff
leaned across and asked to borrow my pen, she quickly scribbled some notes (see
what I did there – KEEP UP!) on her set list, Sinead did the same. Everyone
looked lost, distant, pre occupied not in the usual pre gig nerves, but more like
a rabbit in the headlights.
A psychotic version of Edelweiss escaped via the PA and
TANGO’D everyone in the room. I looked up, is that a Vari-Lite behind Agnes…
that would make such a good photo… I thought to myself as I watched the gig
struggle to come to life from the back of the room.
No one else seemed to be taking any real notice of what was
happening behind Agnes, I knew what I had to do, I simply had to get a photo of
it, in my rush to get from the back of the room to the front and while struggling
to get my camera out, I promptly feel down the steps, thankfully it was dark
and no one saw me.
Within seconds I was stage centre, in front of the monitor,
click, click, click, somewhere to close to 20 frames later and I’ve got it,
sometimes I amaze even me. True story. Honest.
While all of that was going on someone somewhere decided the
gig should start, so it did. And didn’t it start, as I said, I was kneeling
stage centre in front of the monitor. WOW! It was just like ringing a bell. In
recent times the sound has been a bit mushy, for various reasons, usually
nothing to do with band, but tonight, the sound engineer was awake. It reminded
me of when Big Mick turned up and did the sound for Wolfsbane and we all went,
“Oh, so that’s what they’re supposed
to sound like…”
By the time the band had finished playing Scream and
Liberate I’d already decided to go to the back of the room, sod this being down
the front taking photos nonsense I’m going back there, this gig I wanted to see
and hear properly. Just as I was
thinking that, Sinead instructed everyone to take a step closer, and, to put
your phones and cameras away, we’re here for the music, she insisted.
The calm in the storm
Let’s be honest about this, I’m an old cynical bastard and
I’ve pretty much been there, seen it and done it, but even I was impressed by
tonight, considering the reasons for the gig, the logistics behind it, this
really was a joy to witness.
By the time FUBAR arrived all the nerves had evaporated. The
band were in full flow. It was just like being at a band rehearsal. There was
no smooth movement from one track to another, it was much more informal than that,
relaxed, chatting between songs. At one point Sinead let the cat out of the bag
by announcing that they were indeed The Courtesans… giggles all round… God it
was so funny. I guess you had to be there.
Knowhere come out of nowhere and made everyone feel like
they were somewhere, it thundered out of the PA. Bloody hell fire, really,
kidnap the sound engineer, chain him up and throw him the dungeons at
Courtesans Towers.
Monkey Logic is going to shorten the life of my stereo and I
know it. I’m dreading the day I finally get my hands on that song, but not as
much as my neighbours will.
The strange thing about a gig that is one hour in length is
that when it gets to 60 minutes from the start you arrive at the end.
Cheers greeted the end of the gig, yeah, no, I need to find
a way to word that differently…
Just like that Lexington gig, people will look back at
tonight and say, I was there. In the four years I’ve been watching this band we
have travelled a long way, on and off the stage. Tonight was a short trip down
Memory Lane. Bring on the next road trip.
Happy St Georges Day… Up The English…
You could almost touch the relief in the room after gig, the
release was massive, curiosity got the better of me, I had to know, I needed answers
to those questions. Ten minutes later and after promising that anything said to
me was off the record I’m still stood in the middle of the room grinning like a
loony. You’ve got to be shitting me. NOW it
all makes sense.
More people watching, people crowd the merch’ table, CDs get
signed, photos get taken, I smile to myself as I remember all the times I’ve
witnessed these events and how the band have grown into the role of a
professional band.
Speaking of stepping into the role of becoming a professional
band, as I made my way out and into the very cold morning air, the band made
their way to their rehearsal room. Yeah, you read that correctly, even after
playing a blinder, they were going to spend Sunday in rehearsals.
As I made way home, I thought of what Sinead whispered into my ear after the gig, it made me smile, and if Sinead is out there somewhere and
reading this, I wouldn’t have missed any of it.
L to R; 1st, 2nd and 3rd
pressing
L to R; 1st, 2nd and 3rd
pressing
2nd pressing
3rd pressing
I’m a collector, it’s what I do…
To be continued…
Noggin xx
