The Courtesans and The Voyeur Pt V

The Courtesans and The Voyeur

Part V

12. The Water Rats, London, 22^th April 2017

Saturday 22^th April 2017

The Raging Whoremoans, Cherry 

The Water Rats, London

Someone once said that if you want to tell a story you start at the beginning and end at the finish while everything else goes in the middle. That’s all good and well, but what happens if you don’t actually know where the start is?

For three days I’ve stared blankly at a computer generated blank page on my porn machine, not only, not knowing where to start, but not to convinced that there is actually a start to this story. Confused? Frustrated? Bored? Yeah and me.

On the 23^rd March 2017 I travelled back in time to the 80s (See what I did there…?) I received an E Mail from The Courtesans informing me about a secret gig in London under the name of “The Raging Whoremoans”, not only did I laugh like a drain, but I got instantly transported straight back to the 80s when bands played secret gigs before Donington or at the start of a world tour.

Me, Mark and Nick spent a whole twenty minutes on the Maiden forum trying to work out why (and in the world of Iron Maiden, twenty minutes is half way through side one of TBOS, still, it was better than listening to it.. WHAT!?). Why a secret gig? Why then E Mail everyone? Why post it on Facefuck? Why go on stage at 10.30pm? It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense.

Eventually Saturday 22^nd rolled around and a bright blue sunny day it was too.

Not only did Saturday bring us a bright blue sunny day it also bought us the FA Cup Semi Final (been there done that) it also bought us Dr Who (been there done that) the start of the last leg of the Iron Maiden world tour (been there done that) and Record Store Day (been there done that).

Ahh yes, Record Store Day, money making elitist bullshit, very cleverly disguised to help people believe that getting up at 4am to go to a shop that they have to Google because they’ve never been there before, to join a queue, to buy a 7 inch single for £10, which the said shop only has one copy of because you can’t order more than one copy of it in advance, is actually what being a vinyl junkie is all about.

Which reminds me, I have some magic beans for sale if anyone out there is interested…

To my great shame and embarrassment it wasn’t until Saturday afternoon that I finally got the joke. “The Raging Whoremoans” were, “Genie Arse”, “Lola Bye”, “Gin Dough” and “Phil The Shame”… BRILLIANT! Truly brilliant.

It really was like the 80s when bands played under assumed names for example, Wilsonz = Wolfsbane, Damage Inc. = Metallica, Pimple Cream = Iron Maiden… WHAT!?

So after a nice calm peaceful afternoon of watching the FA Cup Semi Final and then Dr Who do battle with Emoji’s, (he should try doing battle with Ticketbastard never mind evil killer robots) I took a slow peaceful drive down to Cockfosters, where I parked the car before getting the tube into London.

Hey look, the ticket machine isn’t working. Deep joy.

How cold? The cold, damp, London night air didn’t so much cut through me, it enveloped me, it was like being wrapped up in a cold wet blanket, I gasped for breath and gave serious thought to getting a taxi, maybe shorts and an England/Walsall T Shirt really was a mistake. It was 21.15 when I staggered out of Kings Cross and by 21.20 I was outside The Water Rats taking the now usual photo.

The Water Rats has a long musical history and was one of the venues during the Punk explosion and if I remember correctly, The Stranglers had an album launch party there one year.  From a personal point of view, I’d seen Blaze there a few years ago and to be honest, I wasn’t that impressed with the place.

“SOLD OUT” read the sign on the door to the back room, which was rammed with people laughing at a young comedian taking part in some comedy club type thing. I grabbed a member of staff and asked if I was in the right place. Was I going to “do a Mick” who went all the way to Japan to see Maiden and missed them because he turned up late… True story. Honest…

Turns out I was in the right place, the comedy club type thing was running late by 30 minutes and I was lead to believe that the band would be on stage by 23.00, well that explains why the band were going on stage so late.

Unable to think of anything better to do than have a beer, I had a lager shandy, proper Rock N’ Roll me. Let the people watching begin. The room slowly filled with people I presumed were going to see The Courtesans as well as people who had booked tables and were already eating.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw half a dozen lads rock up, they clocked my trainers, gestured towards me and I acknowledged them back, none of them were under the age of 60 and you’d think that they would know better by their age. Still they made me smile and the last time I saw them was at the back of the venue drinking whiskey while dad dancing to the band.

Eventually the comedy club type thing ended and everyone poured into the front of the pub. Let the collision of cultures begin. It was like watching two tidal waters, spinning, twisting, moving, dancing, desperately trying to move passed each other.

There’s some daft bint dressed as Minnie Mouse over there I thought to myself, nice one. The six foot Minnie Mouse spoke to friends and made her way around the room and towards where I was standing. EEK! I thought to myself. (See what I did there?). Eventually I realised that Minnie was heading towards me and I promise you I thought she was going smack me in the chops. It wasn’t until she was about two feet away from me that I realised it was Agnes, she pounced on me and gave me a massive hug,

What are you wearing I asked during the hug, I tried to find the maddest thing to wear on stage she answered. Would you like your award now or at the end of the night I thought to myself.

By 23.00 we were in the back room, last minute sound checking done. Band members were moving chairs and stacking them at the back of room. Like a well oiled machine everyone just got on with getting on with it. 

I know I mention this every time but I really don’t know where they get their support bands/artists from but they pulled another one out of the bag. A young female singer song writer by the name of “Cherry” delivered 15 to 20 minutes of pure talent. First person to say Tracy Chapman gets a kickin’. (You won’t believe this but Tracy Chapman has just come on the radio “Talkin’ Bout A Revolution”). True story. Honest.

For the last hour or so, I’d seen the band from a distance or had spoken to them individually and they looked terrified, really nervous, you would have sworn it was their first time on stage and so it continued. Saff leaned across and asked to borrow my pen, she quickly scribbled some notes (see what I did there – KEEP UP!) on her set list, Sinead did the same. Everyone looked lost, distant, pre occupied not in the usual pre gig nerves, but more like a rabbit in the headlights.

A psychotic version of Edelweiss escaped via the PA and TANGO’D everyone in the room. I looked up, is that a Vari-Lite behind Agnes… that would make such a good photo… I thought to myself as I watched the gig struggle to come to life from the back of the room.

No one else seemed to be taking any real notice of what was happening behind Agnes, I knew what I had to do, I simply had to get a photo of it, in my rush to get from the back of the room to the front and while struggling to get my camera out, I promptly feel down the steps, thankfully it was dark and no one saw me.

Within seconds I was stage centre, in front of the monitor, click, click, click, somewhere to close to 20 frames later and I’ve got it, sometimes I amaze even me. True story. Honest.

While all of that was going on someone somewhere decided the gig should start, so it did. And didn’t it start, as I said, I was kneeling stage centre in front of the monitor. WOW! It was just like ringing a bell. In recent times the sound has been a bit mushy, for various reasons, usually nothing to do with band, but tonight, the sound engineer was awake. It reminded me of when Big Mick turned up and did the sound for Wolfsbane and we all went, “Oh, so that’s what they’re supposed to sound like…”

By the time the band had finished playing Scream and Liberate I’d already decided to go to the back of the room, sod this being down the front taking photos nonsense I’m going back there, this gig I wanted to see and hear properly.  Just as I was thinking that, Sinead instructed everyone to take a step closer, and, to put your phones and cameras away, we’re here for the music, she insisted.

The calm in the storm

Back at the back of the room, I stood on the other side of the steps that I’d previously fallen down watching in complete awe. Really, I don’t know who was doing the sound but it was simply stunning. I was hearing samples I’d never heard before, not only were the band playing slightly different versions of songs, but there was definitely different samples in the mix. Were they new or new to my ears because I could now hear them?

Let’s be honest about this, I’m an old cynical bastard and I’ve pretty much been there, seen it and done it, but even I was impressed by tonight, considering the reasons for the gig, the logistics behind it, this really was a joy to witness.

By the time FUBAR arrived all the nerves had evaporated. The band were in full flow. It was just like being at a band rehearsal. There was no smooth movement from one track to another, it was much more informal than that, relaxed, chatting between songs. At one point Sinead let the cat out of the bag by announcing that they were indeed The Courtesans… giggles all round… God it was so funny. I guess you had to be there.

Knowhere come out of nowhere and made everyone feel like they were somewhere, it thundered out of the PA. Bloody hell fire, really, kidnap the sound engineer, chain him up and throw him the dungeons at Courtesans Towers.

Monkey Logic is going to shorten the life of my stereo and I know it. I’m dreading the day I finally get my hands on that song, but not as much as my neighbours will.

The strange thing about a gig that is one hour in length is that when it gets to 60 minutes from the start you arrive at the end.

Cheers greeted the end of the gig, yeah, no, I need to find a way to word that differently…

Just like that Lexington gig, people will look back at tonight and say, I was there. In the four years I’ve been watching this band we have travelled a long way, on and off the stage. Tonight was a short trip down Memory Lane. Bring on the next road trip.

Happy St Georges Day… Up The English…

You could almost touch the relief in the room after gig, the release was massive, curiosity got the better of me, I had to know, I needed answers to those questions. Ten minutes later and after promising that anything said to me was off the record I’m still stood in the middle of the room grinning like a loony. You’ve got to be shitting me. NOW it all makes sense.

More people watching, people crowd the merch’ table, CDs get signed, photos get taken, I smile to myself as I remember all the times I’ve witnessed these events and how the band have grown into the role of a professional band.

Speaking of stepping into the role of becoming a professional band, as I made my way out and into the very cold morning air, the band made their way to their rehearsal room. Yeah, you read that correctly, even after playing a blinder, they were going to spend Sunday in rehearsals.

As I made way home, I thought of what Sinead whispered into my ear after the gig, it made me smile, and if Sinead is out there somewhere and reading this, I wouldn’t have missed any of it.

L to R; 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd pressing

L to R; 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd pressing

2^nd pressing

3^rd pressing

I’m a collector, it’s what I do…

To be continued…

Noggin xx

The Courtesans and The Voyeur Pt IV

The Courtesans and The Voyeur

Part IV

11. Electrowerkz, London, 18^th February 2017

Saturday 18^th February 2017

The Courtesans, The Vultures, Leashes 

Electrowerkz, London

FINALLY… it was 04.00 on Saturday 18^th February 2017. My alarm clock went off and I was up and out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning, because today, today I was finally going to get to see The Courtesans, but as usual I’m jumping ahead of myself.  

The last time I’d seen them play was Saturday 21^st December 2015, which is 1 year 1 month and 28 days or 415 days, not that I’m counting or anything… In that time lots of things have happen to both The Courtesans and me.

Here are just a few of them.

A new logo. Can we have it on a set of button badges please, white double cross on a black background and black double cross on a white background, two badges for £1. Can we also have the logo printed onto a T Shirt too please? Thanks.

I’d love to tell you where this photo was taken but I can’t, well I could but I’d have to kill you, safe to say it has gone where no other Courtesans CD has gone before or since.

Here it is at the entrance to the Bat Cave. The CD only lasted just over a week on the road because it was getting damaged, but in that short time it travelled just under 6,000 miles, which puts it somewhere over America or South East Asia.

Just under 1,000 feet above sea level overlooking the British Jurassic Coast… Jurassic Coast, Saff talking to Mark, there has to be a joke in there somewhere…

Photographic proof (if it was needed) that Agnes is not of this world… PHONE HOME!

My loony but very lovely daughter having a Courtesans/Hollywood sign, red dragon, Star Wars moment. We had so much fun doing it, but it was also such a right royal pain in the arse - we actually haven’t taken it apart, it’s under her bed waiting for more additions this Easter… EEK!

Mark and myself at last year’s Downpour Festival, we really should have phoned each other… Just for the record it was taken during Saxon’s set, they played “Motorcycle Man” Mark turned around and said, “Well, that’s another box ticked…”

As I drove my truck along the side of the runway of RAF Coltishall, I was directed between the Control Tower and one of the main hangers, where on the wall I saw a hand painted image of this. I tried to stop and take a photo on my phone but I was threatened with being shot, so I thought better of it.

The Courtesans and Stampede Press UK did a deal and The Courtesans profile went through the roof, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if they had joined forces two years ago.

Back to today, my alarm went off at 04.00 by 06.00 I was at work and by 16.00 and over 200 miles later I was leaving work and making my way home.

By 18.30 I was on the way to Cockfosters, oh yeah, I forgot to mention, because The Courtesans had decided to go on stage at 10pm, I couldn’t  guarantee that I’d be able to make the last train out of Liverpool Street Station, so the easiest solution was to drive to Cockfosters, park the car, tube it in, do the gig and then tube it out again on the newly started night tube, presuming I could get back to King’s Cross - without walking, while hoping and praying that the car would still be there when I got back to Cockfosters.

By 19.00 I was parked up, £2.00 until the morning. RESULT!

I rushed into the station grabbed a member of staff and asked for the cheapest return to Angel, which is a very apt station to be heading for to see The Courtesans, £11.60 said the nice man. WTF!? I very calmly replied, “Do you have contactless or an Oyster Card?” asked the nice man, “WTF!?” I said repeating myself.

I showed the nice man my bank cards, turns out I do have contactless cards, “That’ll cost you £6.20” said the nice man. RESULT! Suddenly everything seemed to be coming up me. No. Hold on. That’s not right is it?

20.00 arrived just as I did and together we walked around the corner to the venue.

It was 15 minutes to show time. I walked in and bumped into Howard who was working the door which was great for me because I had loads of questions to ask him. I just battered him, poor bloke. Still, his answers helped explain a few things and trigger off a few ideas for next time.

But why was Howard working the door anyway? How is he supposed to manage when he’s busy working the door? Isn’t that the job of the venue to provide staff for that kind of thing? While chatting to him he would disappear to go and deal with whatever it was he needed to deal with, I almost offered my services, but I thought better of it, I didn’t really want to tread on toes and get ideas above my station. I was starting to get a bad vibe about this.

And then it happened… “I’m on the guest list” said the voice. You’ve got to be kidding me, I thought to myself. Howard then asked, “Which band?” Did he really just ask “Which band?” I continued to think to myself. “[insert band name]” replied the voice. You’ve got to be kidding me, you walk into the room, like you are stepping onto a yacht and calmly announce that you’re on the guest list, to a support band, in a venue that holds 200-ish people… WTF!? Go smell yourself. It’s a good job I hadn’t offered my services, I’d have smacked them in the chops and told them to fuck off before throwing them out onto the street… Guest List… MY ARSE!

It’s me isn’t it? It’s OK you can tell me.

The sound checks for the support bands were running late so off to the bar I went and if it hadn’t been for that I wouldn’t have heard the best one liner this year by a long way, which instantly made me think of Mark, Nick and the Iron Maiden Football Thread Forum.

There was a guy in a Download T Shirt from a few years ago. In walk half a dozen lads, one of which said very loudly, “Download, which year is it?” to which his mate said, “Why didn’t you wear your shirt from last year?” to which he replied, “It’s still wet…” 

On the wall I noticed a large Courtesans poster, it looked so good just hanging there, not one of those hand drawn ones either but a print of the EP cover. Um… But my days of poster liberation have a long time past and I thought it was best to leave it for someone else to liberate (see what I did there…?).

20.50 and exactly 35 minutes late the Leashes start the evening’s entertainment. I’ve seen the Leashes support The Courtesans twice before and even though their noise isn’t for me, and it’s not, I do like their attitude. It’s a four piece band, three of them trying look like complete freaks while the drummer looks like Richard Carpenter (from The Carpenters) which is really ironic because it was Karen Carpenter that was the drummer, in fact she won drummer of the year in front of John Bonham (Led Zep) which is SO funny…

The morale of the story is, on a stage full of freaks it’s the “normal” one who stands out… and more power to his elbow for doing so.

It took 30 minutes to complete their set and by the end of it they had won over at least a third of the room.

Back into the bar area to collect my thoughts, take notes, people watch and hopefully find somewhere to sleep. Somewhere over my right hand shoulder I heard a member of staff say something along the lines of, taking down the posters at the end of the night. Did I hear that right? I looked around without trying to make it too obvious and that’s when I noticed the complete lack of posters and flyers. I hadn’t noticed how sterile the venue was until then, well, I knew something wasn’t quite right, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

After earwigging more of the conversation I rushed back into the main room, not a poster or flyer to be seen, well apart from the few Courtesans posters, out the corner of my eye I saw a member of staff watching me as I actively went hunting for the said missing posters and flyers, my actions must have looked proper dodgy but I was on a mission and that bad vibe from earlier puffed out its chest and started to shout look at me.

Thankfully the change over between the Leashes and The Vultures was very quick. While that was going on I over heard people comment on the late running of the gig, getting tubes and that poster. I promise you I heard people talking about that poster and rightly so, it looked so good and as I looked around, I noticed at least one of them was missing and I smiled to myself.

Again The Courtesans have provided another stunning support band, The Vultures, how do I describe The Vultures? I’m not sure I can, to be honest I’m not sure how I would even try to begin to describe them. I guess you’ll just have to Google them and if you do you won’t be sorry. I was mesmerised (see what I did there…?). I’m going to check them out some more.

To the bass player, yes I saw you hit yourself in the face with the microphone, it made me laugh and your reaction made me smile. Brilliant stuff.

I’ve been up since 04.00 GET ON WITH IT!!! The change over took forever. I heard people trying to guess the set list, wanting, wishing, they start with that song… or this song… it made me smile… it was just like being at a proper gig.

More chatter about getting the tube, I didn’t need to clock watch too much, all I had to do was get back to Cockfosters, for me the problem was getting from Angel back to King’s Cross because the last tube was at midnight +30, and if all that wasn’t enough, another one of those posters was missing… and I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t bothering me, because it was, once a collector always a collector.

Finally and almost one hour late The Courtesans decide to grace us with their presence do they not realise that I’ve been up since 04.00 and it’s been over a year since I last saw them play. BASTARDS!

By now I’m stage right and leaning on it. The lights go off, total darkness, the crowd scream, the band walk on stage and all stand in position, waiting to pounce, just like an animal at the top of the food chain eyeing up its next victim, except Sinead, there is a massive space where Sinead should be standing. Without panic, Agnes, Saff and Vikki look the crowd in the eye, they stare at the crowd as the crowd stare at them, the intro tape rolls and the band slide gracefully into Scream.

STOP! Shouted Sinead at the end of the song, all the way through Scream the band members were pointing at the desk, wedges, monitors, pointing up, pointing down, obviously it is going very wrong up there on that stage. There was no pretending, you couldn’t hide it if you tried, the band members shouted their instructions towards the desk at the back of the room and my heart sank. Really? What is the point of a sound check if this happens, but on a positive, I love it when this kind of stuff happens, you get to see just how much the band want it and to be honest, I’ve seen bigger bands in bigger venues have exactly the same problem.

Mindfunk, Walsall Junction 10, 25^th July 1991, springs to mind, when the band walked off stage for 20 minutes while the crew fixed the problem, before coming back on and pinning everyone to the back of the venue.

Status Quo, Hammersmith Odeon, 31^st March 2016, which was the last time I saw Rick play live… three sold out nights and it’s the third night that it all went tits up tonto, I have the official bootleg of that gig and it still makes me smile to hear the chaos going on around them. Go and Google it… Brilliant stuff.

RIP Rick Parfitt

Eventually the band re-start the gig with Liberate, but it’s not working and I’m loving it, just for the record, I was knelling in front of Agnes taking photos and for me the sound was good, it wasn’t brilliant, but it was good, I don’t know where the sound I was hearing was coming from, was there a stage fill under the stage somewhere or just the PA and the angle I was knelling at, but I wasn’t complaining about it. 

The band were struggling so much with the sound there were times it was painful to watch, but they didn’t give up and neither did the audience. There was so much support, love, for the band, it was almost as if the audience wanted it work more than the band did, it almost became a team effort… Did I just write that? Sounds a bit over the top and pompous doesn’t it, I just can’t think of another way to word it. 

Talking of the audience, half a dozen of the Vegan Lesbian Sinead Supports Club had turned up for the gig and had positioned themselves stage centre and on the barrier, “We love you Sinead…” they screamed and shouted, constantly… Yeah, Yeah, we get it, you know the singer in the band, it was just like being back at the school disco and from my own very personal point of view, it was all a bit cringe worthy. Unwittingly what they did was to give Sinead a convenient hook the hang off, while all the chaos of trying to sort the sound out was going on around her, Sinead had a focus, something and someone to interact with and because of that our focus was shifted to their interaction, it was a brilliant piece of stage craft, I have no idea if she did it deliberately as an act or whether it was just a bit banter and bravado, either way, what Sinead did was easily up there with anything I’ve seen David Lee Roth or Blaze do when they were in full flow.

This was my eleventh Courtesans gig and its getting more difficult to write something new or fresh about the band as a band or individually, but there it was, just waiting to be put into print. Long live the VLSSC… 

Irony of ironies the sixth song in the set was a new song “FUBAR” you couldn’t make it up. IT WAS STUNNING! It was an instead fix, I was buzzing my tits off. Remember that Tamworth gig when I banged on about Liberate? It was just like that all over again. It floored me. It was a good job I was already knelling down.

Slowly and surly the sounds problems got sorted out and by the time the gig was reaching the end I’m not sure anyone had even noticed, well not consciously anyway. The Courtesans, being The Courtesans did exactly what I’ve seen them do so many times before, which is simply rise to the challenge. It’s almost as if they court the problems, desire it, need it, crave it, something to battle and fight against.

I’ve missed seeing this band, I really have.

I’m not sure why I started to think we must be near the end of the gig, I just did. By now the room was lapping up everything The Courtesans were offering them, the band was ripping into each song on the set list as if their lives depended on it. My knees were killing me, I’d been knelling down for almost an hour and I really was in a lot of pain. I’m an old man, I can’t be doing this shit anymore and I’ve been up since 04.00 – I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that…

Feel  The Same, was the fifth song to be played from the EP, well that’s done then, when they advertised the gig as the Better Safe Than Sober EP launch they weren’t joking.

The Courtesans don’t really do normal and I’m not entirely sure if anyone has taught them the rules to the game. For example, you can’t end a gig with a new song, so they didn’t, they ended the gig with TWO new songs… Have I learnt nothing from that Evesham gig on Halloween… HA! HA! HA!

Seriously, just how much balls that take, you just can’t do that, so they did. You can’t end a gig with two completely new songs, so they did. Had anyone in that room heard them before? I hadn’t, and I’m down with the cool cats… init… bro… oh man, ya kno’ what I mean…  Dog…

Between the two songs Sinead then went on the mother of all rants, full on in your face rant, bloody hell fire, I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of her temper, she scared the shit out of me. The Tamworth Terror…

The more I think about it, the more it made sense to end the gig with those two songs, especially the last one, it was actually very clever. Nice one.

Don’t stay away too long.

As for those new songs, I think they will go down as marking a change in the band, nothing to left of centre, noting to radical, just another bit of evolution, and when I look at the set list it isn’t the songs that are on it that I notice, it’s the songs that ARE NOT on it that I notice. The band just gets better and better and if they can keep producing songs like that then it’s going to a long fun filled ride.

After the gig I did my usual staying out of the way and watching. The band did their usual straight to the merch stand to say hello and sign things. I grabbed a set list, liberated one of the last posters still hanging, continued to take notes before I forgot what I’d just witnessed and eventually made my way to the merch to buy another set of CDs.

Two copies of the EP, second pressing, and another copy of 1917, second pressing, but this time it was for me, the only issue I have is that when I played it, it was actually the first pressing, so I have a copy of 1917 with the second pressing cover and booklet but with the first pressing CD. RESULT! All I have to do now get another copy of the second pressing of 1917 with the correct disc before they finally sell out. EEK!

I did say I was a collector.

Even though I’d been up since 04.00 and I’d had a really rough day and I was tired and sober, I positively bounced up the road towards the tube station, I was buzzing my tits off. I love seeing this band, I really do.

My evening drew to an end very calmly. I got to Cockfosters without any real drama, I thanked the tube driver as we passed on the platform. My car was still there and Status Quo thundered out of the speakers on the way home.

Once home I went through the photos I’d taken and started a rough copy of what you’ve just read.

Somewhere after 05.00 I went to bed.

Roll on the rest of the tour…

To be continued…

Noggin xx