On Tour For DUMMIES

A Fans Guide To Being On Tour

 

VENUES

 

Imagine my heartbreak, confusion, dismay, frustration, anger, at finally getting to Meadowlands Arena in New Jersey only to find it had been renamed Izod. Who or what the fuck is Izod?

Bullshit, you can rename it and rebrand it as much as you like, it is still and always will be “MEADOWLANDS.”

The same goes for the NEC or whatever corporate whore name is has now. Fuck off! The NEC is at the NEC and the NIA is in the city centre. Isn’t it fun boys and girls looking at a tour advert and spending 30 minutes Googling each venue to find out which venue, which venue is.

Who the fuck are these people that keep renaming and rebranding our venues, they don’t belong to them, they belong to us, I didn’t see my favourite band, play the Corporate Whore Indoor Wank Fest Arena, I saw them play Aberdeen Capitol, Hammersmith Odeon, NEC, NIA, Wembley Arena, Meadowlands.

I choose to go to these venues because of their history, their status, their standing, to be able to say, “I’ve done The Marquee, NEC, Meadowlands,” etc. It matters, if you’re a football fan reading these words, it’s just like doing the 92.

Yes, it’s great to visit a new venue because it’s another new venue ticked off the list, but those world famous names, they matter, you only have to hear the name, Wembley, Madison Square Garden, Whiskey, and you already know which city I’m talking about. It matters.

Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here. I completely understand that buildings get built and for various reasons they sometimes need to become something else, something new, for example, The Marquee Club on Charing Cross Road in London is now a Wetherspoons Pub (I will pause here for howls of public outrage – can we move on now? Good). Well guess what? That building wasn’t always The Marquee Club.

The Marquee Club started life just around the corner in Oxford Street, before moving to Wardour Street before moving Charing Cross Road before finally moving up to Islington to what we all now know as the O2 Islington Academy, and they are just the ones I know of.

While the building that we all know as The Marquee Club on Charing Cross Road was a purpose built cinema dating from 1911.

See how it works. It’s very simple and it all makes perfect sense, what doesn’t make sense is the corporate rebranding of a building. Everyone knows where the NEC is? Do you know what it is called this week? No, nor me. What happens next week, month, year, when that contract expires, and it’s rebranded again? What is it going to be called then?

So, I’m calling bullshit, fuck off with your corporate rebranding of our venues. Meadowlands is always going to be Meadowlands, the NEC is always going to be the NEC, and if anyone out there calls Hammersmith Odeon the Apollo then you are a total and utter cunt who deserves nothing more than a slow and painful death, and that can be very easily arranged. 

Peace and Love.

You cunt.

 

Noggin xx