On Tour For DUMMIES

A Fans Guide To Being On Tour

 

BACKSTAGE

 

Remember The Wizard of Oz? Remember the scene at the end when Dorothy pulls back the curtain? Remember what she found? And you still think that being backstage is the place to be?

Let’s nail this myth once and for all, just like The Wizard of Oz, being backstage is all smoke and mirrors, you pull back the curtain and what do find, well actually, two things.

Firstly, band and crew trying to do what they do on the road which is get ready for the gig. Whether it be psyching themselves up to go on stage and get over their anxiety and stage fright, while the crew check and then double check anything and everything before checking it all again and again and again.

Secondly, the band and crew are basically trying to live a normal life while working in a completely alien environment. Just like I mentioned in “Days Off,” doing the simple things like catching up on e-mails, voice mails, face timing family, friends, zoom meetings, or sleeping.

Think about it, think about all the normal things that you and I take for granted that bands and crew surrender to live that dream.

Birth, child’s first words, child’s first steps, first day at school, graduation, school holidays, birthdays, Christmas, first broken heart, engagement parties, weddings, divorces, deaths, funerals, the list is basically endless and the band and crew miss it all.

Even silly things like going to the pub with your mates on the weekend, going to the football, cinema, watching the latest thing on TV, see how easy it is to take what we have and do for granted. If you think it’s easy to give these things up then get in a band or get in a road crew.

So, unless you are in a band and you can hold a conversation with a fellow musician about whatever it is musicians talk about, or you are road crew and you can hold a conversation about Flux Capacitors or whatever it is road crew talk about, why in God’s name would you want to be backstage.

Saying “Backstage” in conversation is basically a wanker’s way of saying you have meet the band or you are going to meet the band. So why not simply say that you have meet the band or you are going to meet the band. Don’t be a wanker about it.

Front of house is the place to be, that’s where all the action is. Get up the bar and get meeting and greeting. Get to the merch’ table and get meeting and greeting and while you’re there buy a T Shirt and CD too, then ask the band to sign it, thus meeting them. You can get the screen on your phone signed too. FFS!

As a footnote, the smaller the venue you see a band in the less chance that there is even a backstage area anyway, so the band will be stood at the bar or merch’ table meeting and greeting. Think about it. Backstage at Wembley is massive while backstage down the Dog and Duck doesn’t exist.

 

Noggin xx